Moderators: YAK_Chewie, Yakface.com Staff

#83877
Image

First off, a little front page mention to help you show off this fantastic new chapter you've shared with us!

This first chapter is really a step up from the Darkchild series in my opinion, which was already stellar. But what you've done here is bring to life an era that seems to be almost forgotten in the current Star Wars media... and I dig that a lot. This timeline needs more attention; and I'm pretty sure that we WILL see more of it in the future as Lucasfilm eventually shifts its focus off the Clone Wars.

Your presentation here is nothing short of amazing. The imagery is great, but you've really developed a very nice comic book feel, with the variety of images and the text boxes - those are very well done and much easier to follow and read than before... I really liked the conversation between Palpatine and Vader here, and the image work on Vader expecially was great... loved the reflections in his helmet. Wow! I wasn't sure about the eyes on Palpatine though, they seemed just a bit too much. But, that's a very small criticism in a chapter full of breathtaking images.

As for the Amazeem portion of the chapter, again you exceed expectations... the images here are great (the cockpit shots looking out over space are amazing!!!!) as is the dialogue. Love the customs too, though I kind of wish you hadn't used a Luke head for Ace, as it's so recognizeable. Oh well, that's okay! And did they fly the same kind of freighter as Han in the game? I can't remember, but I do seem to remember seeing that ship in the original X-Wing game (or the second one, it's been so long?).

Again, excellent work here. You've really gone above and beyond with this first installment in your new series and set the stage for some great excitement in the next chapter. :)

:wink:
#83917
Master Chewie, I must admit to feeling a tad downhearted as after a week after publuishing this I have only seen your reply. Working on a photonovels has become my main hobby now, and I suppose that as long as I get enjoyment out of it that is the main thing, but feedback is also a nice part of the process. Saying that, reading your comment really brought a smile back to my face, I have a huge amount of respect for your creative work, and your opinion is taken very much to heart, so thank you so very much!

In answer to a couple of your points, your comment about Luke's head was quite funny, as I remember what you said about my Zen Mantori figure for Darkchild, I think it was something along similar lines. I chose this head as it seemed to have a lot of character, which is great for conversation shots, I hope that after a while you'll see the positives.

With regard to the ship, yes, in the game the first couple of missions involved standard YT1300's (note the lack of a comms dish) then a YT1200 called the Otana is used before Ace joins the Rebel Alliance, where he fly's A, B,X & Ywings...I am playing the missions as I go along and I intend to be as accurate to the game as possible.

Your comment about timeline is a real vindication to my choice of story. Although Clone Wars is growing on me, especially as it is getting darker, my love of Star Wars lies firmly with the original saga, especially the period after Yavin, the darkest moments in all of the conflict and where Empire Strikes Back. I think the period very much reflects the current mood in the real world, which is what Scifi is all about.

I am so glad you took the time to have a look at what I'm doing, and I repeat what I said earlier, that your comments mean a great deal to me.

Jules
#83996
Hey Jules, sorry for not commenting sooner, but I've not been on the forums for a few days, but I must say, it was totally worth the wait!

I knew this was going to be special, and it is! The comic book presentation and fantastic graphics really draw you into the story, and the writing is absolutely top notch!

I loved the opening, with Vader meeting the Emporer, and Palps' planned treachery against the Pirates he has allied with raised a smile, gotta love that Sith double-crossing!

I'm really looking forward to seeing how you develop this along the lines of the missions in the game, I never actually finished the game, so this'll be a chance for me see what I missed!

My appetite has been wholley successfully whetted, and I can't wait for more! :wink:
#85817
I have been away from the forum for quite a while and I am sorry that I have not commented on this series yet.

But I am enjoying getting caught up and will be reading and replying on all the chapters and many other threads hopefully in the next several days.

Anyway, this series is off to a terrific start. I am not at all familiar with the game or the backstory, so I don't bring any preconceptions to this series. But no matter.

Once again, you have proven yourself an absolute MASTER in the visual arena. This chapter is extraordinary - a true feast for the eyes. Your visuals always dazzle, I am once again in awe of the extraordinary power of your images. It's not just the great CG images themselves, but the great layouts you have created. Lovely, lovely stuff.

Now I have a few criticisms about the writing itself.

I think it was a mistake to start off the chapter with so many lengthy paragraphs describing the approach of Vader's shuttle.

Some of that stuff is fun and gives atmosphere, but you went overboard and the exposition quickly became tiresome. There is simply no information given in those expository paragraphs at all and it's just too much unnecessary and dull information.

Like I said, atmosphere is great and a few sentences would have been good, but I think what you have here is too much.

Even later in the story, I think you can streamline the prose just a little bit, particularly when dull stuff like picking up cargo containers is discussed.

I have a minor gripe about one of Vader's lines of dialogue. He says "the fleet can't be in two places at once." Not only does this feel petulant and a bit out of character for Vader, but it doesn't really make sense. Surely the Imperial fleet is vast and stretches across huge swaths of the galaxy. It is certainly is many, many MORE places at once. I think you could have found better wording there.

Moving on, I wish our first exposure to Ace wasn't during a moment of whining. We have had too many whiny characters in the SW saga. And though everyone loves to mock Luke's "toshi station" line in Star Wars, at least we are hanging out with him for a little while first and think he's kind of cool before he drops his little whine.

Contrast to teenage Anakin in Episode 2, who starts the movie off as a creep.

I think you should have made Ace more cool and likable off the bat, even if he still chafes at being babied by his family. I think you could have found a happy medium there, making him more sympathetic and endearing.

Aeron, I think, is a more fun character - at least so far. Yes, she seems like an overprotective and even bratty sister, but there's a nice interplay between them.

I understand that these chapters are ENORMOUSLY time consuming. This chapter definitely feels a little bit on the short side, but that's okay. I do wish we had seen just a little bit more, though. Maybe ending the chapter on an even bigger cliffhanger - with the Azzameen siblings flying into danger.

I do like Palpatine's plot, but I don't know if he would necessarily plan to kill the pirates so soon instead of keeping them around to possibly help with other plans or missions. The Palp stuff is solid and provides good set-up for what is to come.

And I'm looking forward to reading the rest!

I am also baffled by the incredibly disappointing lack of comments. But I always appreciate it when photonovelists put so much amazing effort into their work. THANK YOU!
#85832
Lance Quazar wrote:I am also baffled by the incredibly disappointing lack of comments. But I always appreciate it when photonovelists put so much amazing effort into their work. THANK YOU!


Ain't that the truth! I wish that we could boost some more discussions on all the photonovels... I've run a few spotlights recently - but I think perhaps during the dog days of summer, interest is low in the hobby in general. Perhaps this fall it will pick back up... but especially as much as some of us work on our own photonovel series, I think the least we who make them can do is pay the respects to our peers making them too.

Remember, 10 or bust! :)

:wink:
#85853
Wow Lance, to get such a comprehensive comment is always a treat.

In answer to your critical points...I only wish I had you as a ghost reader! The point about the long winded sentences at the beginning rings true, though I was so wrapped up in trying to create the story, that I suppose it's quite hard to take a step back and look at it with fresh eyes. It's funny that you caught the Vader line, I must have re-written that so many times, no matter what I did, it never sounded right...that quote was the best of the bunch I'm afraid.

Ace does sort himself out, which is a part of the storyline anyway but with hindsight I should have made him a bit more self assured from the beginning. I just felt that he needed to be a little childish at the beginning, after all he is the youngest child in a very protective family.

Lance, hopefully as you read through, and as I progress my writing will become more professional.

I'm really excited that you've rejoined the forum once more and I can't wait to see what you think of the other parts...

Jules
User avatar
By Incom
#89370
Hey Jules, finally started reading your excellent follow up to Darkchild. I've said it before and I'll say it again: the X-Wing game series is the best LucasArts have ever produced. I still love the latest (hopefully not the last!) installment involving our friend Ace. Wonderful storyline, great missions and excellent dialogue.

Having just read your first chapter, I have to say: impressive, most impressive. I agree with Lance about the lengthy introduction text, though. It's more fitting for a novel, instead of a comic you know. I feel the tremendous images already tell enough.

And it's those images that are your quality trademark, Jules. It's terrific to see them, study them, go back and look more closely at them again and again! It's hard to tell when you used actual dioramas or background images. Everything fits together quite seamlessly, not counting a tiny speck here and there.

You're off to a great start with this story, Jules!
User avatar
By julianmaurice
#89373
Thanks so much Incom, I'm really pleased that you enjoyed the 1st part. I did go a bit overboard with the narrations,I guess I wanted to set the scene as if it were a movie...I have since taken a more comic book approach to them.

It's excellent that you are taking time to read my work, you are definitely someone I would aim to impress with this, so I really value your comment.

And I can only mirror your comments on the game...I remember feeling totally immersed in the excitement when I first played it...nothing has come close since!

Please keep checking this comic out!

Jules
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