Moderators: YAK_Chewie, Yakface.com Staff

#121775
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Designed by Holowan Mechanicals the IG-Series 100 Magnaguards are built to the specifications of General Grievous...

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and trained by the unforgiving cyborg.

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Unlike the Battle Droids of the Trade Federation, Magnaguards learn from each battle. Their brutal training insures that only the finest units are deployed onto the battlefield, the rest are deemed unfit for service and dealt with accordingly.

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“Well done. You will -aghh- go on to serve me well. Your training is -aghh- complete.”, Grievous congratulates, as Magister Acris strides up alongside the pair.

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Noticing the scientist Grievous impatiently demands, “What is it Acris?”, causing the creature to grovel before his dark master.

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Regaining his composure Acris reports, “I have found mention of un most intriguing substance, my lord. Un said to be able to stimulate ze body’s midichlorians to impressive levels.”.

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Excited by the possibility of at last drawing upon the power of the force Grievous demands, “Continue!”.

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Acris obliges, “Ze substance is un plant known as Bota, located on ze Outer Rim vorld of Drongar. It appears zat ze Jedi established a small outpost on ze planet several years ago, in order to prevent ze Bota from undermining zeir power.”.

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Turning to the Magnaguard Grievous resolutely orders, “Prepare a task force to depart for Drongar at once. I will personally oversee the operation, there is no room for -aghh- failure..."

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“Nothing will stand in my way.".

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The Jedi Temple on Coruscant, a place for meditation and peace, but tonight two of the Order's greatest Master's are roused by a raging storm. Together they silently watch as lightning flashes across the Coruscant skyline.

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Yoda, Grand Master of the Jedi Order, solemnly shares, “A great disturbance in the force I sense, at work is the hand of the Sith.”. “I sense it as well.”, agrees his friend and fellow Master, Mace Windu.

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Yoda gravely orders, “Dispatch a reconnaissance team to Drongar we must. Fear do I our enemies have learned of its existence.”.

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A world of mysteries, nearly forgotten by time and the rest galaxy, Drongar is a lush jungle world, many of the exotic flora and fauna located on the surface of the planet can only be found there. That is exactly why the Jedi established a garrison on planet at the outset of the Clone War, and why the Separatist have brought the war to the tranquil world.

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Hopelessly outnumbered and outgunned the Republic's clone troopers slowly fall to the mechanized efficiency of the droid army.

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But not without a fight. Commander Creo, Marshal of the clone forces, rushes the Separatist's lines, mowing down the Separatist commando units, and rallies, "For the Republic!".

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Having destroyed all but the commando Captain, Creo discards his rotary cannon...

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Creo wrestles the commando droid and savagely rips the head off of the droid.

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As one threat falls, another more serious one, emerges to take its place.

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Creo fires on the Magnaguard using the fallen commando droid’s blaster, but the Magnaguard swats the blaster bolts aside with ease.

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Unable to overcome the ferocity of the droid's attack Creo is quickly bested.

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The dazed clone looks up from the ground as the Magnaguard prepares to deliver a fatal blow.

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But the clones are not alone. Darting out from behind the dense foliage Jedi Master Kayen blocks the electrostaff’s blow.

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Moving quickly the Jedi delivers an upward slash through the droid's arms...

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And then thrusts his lightsaber into the droid, finishing it.

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A metallic voice rings out, “Impressive, most -aghh- impressive!”, Grievous leads his lines of battle droids forward and continues, “I have ordered my units to stand down, so that you and I might settle this as -aghh- warriors.”. An accomplished duelist Kayen confidently replies, “I accept your challenge.”.

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Without warning Grievous surges forward, unleashing a savage assault on the Jedi. Kayen nimbly blocks the blows...

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Following up with an attack aimed to decapitate Grievous, who parries. The warriors stand locked in position, both refusing to back down

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Grievous laughs, “You have fought well Jedi...”, the General separates his arms into four and impales the Jedi Master continuing, “... But not well enough.”.

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Kayen falls to the ground, dead, at Grievous’ feet, allowing the cyborg to claim yet another trophy.

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"We have collected the Bota from the monastery and loaded it onto to our cruisers, General. What should be done with the surviving clones?", questions a battle droid commander.

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Grievous menacingly answers, “Transport them to my -aghh- fortress on Kalee..."...

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"They may prove useful.”.

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Waiting anxiously for the return of the special commando unit sent to Drongar, the group of assembled Jedi Masters stand silently as the shuttle carrying the group touches down.

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The shuttle's landing ramp lowers and the troopers of Delta Squad emerge. Boss, the units commanding officer, reports, “There were no survivors on Drongar. Master Kayen was killed along with most of his men, the rest are missing and presumed dead.”, to the group of Jedi Masters.

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And what of the Bota?”, Master Windu questions, fearing the worst. Boss answers, “The outpost was ransacked, anything of interest, including the Bota, was gone.”.

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Jedi Master Ki-Adi Mundi gravely states, “This is a disturbing move by the Sith. How could they have come to learn of Drongar?”.

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"And why would the Bota hold any interest to the Sith? It threatens their Order as much as our own.”, adds Obi-Wan Kenobi.

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Yoda answers, “To much you assume. The Sith, behind this attack they are not, but no less dangerous, our opponent is.”.

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Stunned Obi-Wan questions, “You believe that someone, or something, else is behind the attack?”.

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Yoda begins, “Believe I do not, know I do. Many years ago, dispatched to negotiate a peaceful settlement between two waring peoples, the Kaleesh and the Huks, a team of Jedi was. Lead by the powerful warrior, Qymaen jai Sheelal, prepared to live in peace, the Kaleesh were, made real concessions they did. But never enough for the Huk, was it.”,

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The ancient Jedi looks down, obviously deeply pained by the story, and continues, “To their allies in the trade federation the Huk went, who turned the Republic Senate against the Kaleesh. Leveled upon the Kaleesh, hefty fines and embargoes were. Kalee fell into poverty and hundreds of thousands of Kaleesh starved and died.”

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Obi-Wan asks, “While this story is tragic, it is all too common. Master, what has this to do with Drongar?”.

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Looking up, Yoda resolutely answers, “Everything, Master Kenobi. Young General Grievous, the proud warrior was. To mediate the peace talks he helped because craved to become a Jedi he did. When the Republic turned against the Kaleesh Grievous butchered the Huk and tracked down and murdered every Jedi who participated in the Kalee mission. But end with that triumph his hatred did not. To modify his body beyond recognition and continued his war against the Jedi he proceed. Eventually, the Sith he drew the attention of, rebuilt Grievous following a near fatal shuttle accident, they did, and wiped out what remained of the huks. With the force never stopped Grievous' fascination has. Stopped now that he has uncovered the secrets’ of Drongar must he be, or safe, no being in the galaxy is.”

TO BE CONTINUED

  I feel we have really hit our stride with this episode, with the photos, sets, story telling, and special effects working together to create an entertaining episode. My sister deserves credit for both the outstanding photos and sets, she is an incredible young artist and words cannot accurately describe the debt of gratitude I owe her. Congratulations again to the winner of our custom contest to design Nicola Acris, Doc Outlands!!! If you haven't already, be sure to catch up with all the action contained in the first part of this story arc here: http://www.yakfaceforums.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=6967 . Thanks for reading and please take a second to comment if you enjoyed it or if you have any constructive criticism, thanks!!!
#121786
Wow, that was really good, and I agree you've really hit your stride! Work has been killing me lately, it was great to take a pause and read this!


My only suggestion at this point might be to make the text just a bit easier to read - by breaking up some dialogue... for example:

Yoda, Grand Master of the Jedi Order, solemnly shares, “A great disturbance in the force I sense, at work is the hand of the Sith.”. “I sense it as well.”, agrees his friend and fellow Master, Mace Windu.

Might read easier like this:

Yoda, Grand Master of the Jedi Order, solemnly shares, “A great disturbance in the f
Force I sense; at work is the hand of the Sith.”

“I sense it as well,” agrees his friend and fellow Jedi Master, Mace Windu.



That's just my personal preference, other readers might disagree.

Regardless, you are quickly getting better at the storytelling aspect of this, which to me, is what photonovels are all about. By adding some intrigue and depth to the story, I find myself paying more attention to the actual plot/etc. than the images - which to me, shows that you are really engaging the audience.

That's not to say the pics weren't great, because they were outstanding. It really gave the impression of different worlds and environments - I'm very impressed by the sets - well done! And I can't wait to see what happens next!

BTW, great name for that clone... Commander Creo!

:wink:
#121802
Thanks Justin!!! We're really happy with how far we've come in such a short time, in no small part due to you and other PN authors' advice.

Great point about the text, that should make it easier to read and help to insure the audience doesn't get confused as to who is speaking.

I'm glad you're enjoying the story. I really wanted to do something uniquely my own, with an engaging plot filled with twists, and an epic feel. The sets are so well done and turned out great on camera. My sister worked on Drongar for about two weeks (needless to say she wasn't very happy to hear it would only be one scene!!!).

I love Creo as well, he's becoming rather popular!!! The name Creo is actually Latin for Create . He's a simple, but o'so cool custom!!!
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