The 2nd Trial: Atrocity

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The 2nd Trial: Atrocity

Postby YAK_Chewie » Fri Dec 21, 2012 12:11 am

A new chapter in The Enloe Trials is here! Hope you enjoy this next step in Rykrof's adventures... I do want to mention there is some harsher language in this chapter and this is also darker than previous chapters. That is the direction I will be taking this for a while - hope you guys don't mind...

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Previous chapters can be found here:
The Enloe Trials Prologue: The Baron's Crusade
Chapter 1: Seeds of Insurrection



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Since the fall of the Republic, the Enloe family has hidden safely on the obscure planet of Urelia.



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With the Clone Wars behind them, they have avoided the oppression of the Galactic Empire...



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...and Caldin Enloe has known a life of peace and stability.



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But all of that has suddenly changed...



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Young and naive, the boy was in awe at seeing Imperial Stormtroopers for the first time...



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Under orders from Imperial Baron Tylin Gere, Rykrof Enloe's wife and son have been escorted from their home...



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...but not all of the Stormtroopers left the homestead.



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The remaining members of the family found themselves at the mercy of the invaders...



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...and were executed for "Crimes against the Empire."



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...however, one observer managed to survive the attack.



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Having spotted an Imperial Star Destroyer in the atmosphere, Rykrof and Freelo race back to the homestead...



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"Caldin!" Rykrof yells as he searches the estate for his family.



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"No... it can't be..."



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"Palom..."



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"DAD!"



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"I wasn't here..." Rykrof sobs as he cradles the body of his father.



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"We may have been killed too..." Freelo softly replies.



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"C...Caldin... Alyssa..." Rykrof stutters, as he attempts to regain his composure...



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"We'll find them," Freelo offers as he helps support his friend from falling to the ground.



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"Master Enloe! Thank goodness it's really you!" T-3PO shouts as he approaches Rykrof.



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"Where's my son?" Rykrof demands.



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"They were Imperial Stormtroopers, I believe. They took him and Alyssa with them," the droid explains.
"And look what they did to poor Palom and your father!"



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"Look!" the droid then shouts.
"Someone is sending a transmission to the homestead!"



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Rykrof stares impatiently as the transmission begins to patch through...



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...as the image of a high ranking Imperial materializes.



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"Tylin Gere!" Freelo exclaims.



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"Greetings from the Empire, my old friends," the Imperial baron announces.

"You must accept my condolences for your losses," he pauses.
"There are so many unfortunate casualties of war."



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"They did nothing to deserve this!" Rykrof bellows.



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"Quite the contrary," the Imperial smugly replies.
"When my troops arrived, they immediately opened fire on my men."



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"We both know that's not what happened here," Rykrof snarls.
"Where is my son?"



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"Up here, with me... and with your wife," Tylin continues.
"I had nearly forgotten what a beautiful woman she is."



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"You're going to pay for this, you son of bitch."



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"You are not in a position to make threats," the Imperial Baron retorts.
"Now... if you wish to ever see your wife or son again, you will follow my orders."



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"Several years ago, we were closing in on an ancient Sith artifact that was in possession of the Separatists," Tylin explains.



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"The Rhen Var artifact..." Rykrof says in disbelief.



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"Correct," the Imperial says.
"And finally, it's been located... on Dathomir... and currently in the hands of Badoo Corba terrorists."



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"That's why you targeted Rykrof," Freelo mutters.
"Because he's been to Dathomir... and knows Badoo Corba procedures."



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"You'll find their base on the island of Prootin," Tylin explains.
"There you will secure the artifact, validate the contents are intact, and report back to me."



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"You have 30 standard days to complete your assignment. The holocode to reach me is within a shuttle waiting for you back at the Rithos spaceport... if I don't hear from you, I will be forced to assume you have failed."



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"I'll get the relic for you," Rykrof says.
"But promise me; you won't touch my son... or Alyssa."



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"They have nothing to fear," Tylin smiles.
"You will find adequate supplies aboard the shuttle... R4-22 will lead you to it."



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Rykrof watches as the transmission comes to an abrupt end.



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"An astro droid?" Rykrof wonders aloud.



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At that moment, an Imperial R4 unit turns the corner.



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"I have a bad feeling about this," Rykrof growls.



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Coming to a halt, R4-22 beeps an obscenity at Rykrof in response.



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"I'm not sure we should take that shuttle," Freelo says.
"This could be a trap."



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"It may be, but for now I need to do things Tylin's way," Rykrof explains.
"You really don't have to get involved with this, Freelo. This is my problem; not yours."



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"Caldin and Alyssa are my family too," Freelo snorts.



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"Alright then," Rykrof says softly.
"We'll get moving after we bury Palom and Dad."



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Meanwhile, the Dantallion prepares to leave the Urelia System.



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"This is almost too easy," Tylin smirks to himself as he exits the transmission room.



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"Sir," an officer says as he approaches Tylin.
"We have secured Enloe's wife and child in a holding block on level two."



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"Well done," Tylin smiles.



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"How much do they know?"



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"They are completely unaware of what has transpired," the officer grins.
"Both are under the assumption that the Stormtroopers deployed to the homestead were sent to rescue them from an impending Badoo Corba strike."



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"However, the wife does appear to be suspicious."

"We must see to it that Alyssa Enloe gains our trust," the Baron replies.



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"Now, see to it that both are treated well."



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"These people are our guests, after all."



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Back on Urelia, the streets of Rithos Spaceport carry on as usual with dangerous thugs at every corner...



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...and in Docking Bay 19A, Rykrof and his companions arrive at their destination.



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"We've been expectin' you," a gruff Advozse security guard announces.



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"We can... take it from here," Rykrof carefully replies.



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"Guuda," the leader of the group says.
"Now get this Imperial scrap outta here."



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Rykrof then cautiously watches as the group exits the docking bay.



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"The Advozse are a most peculiar species," T-3PO announces as he and R4-22 approach the ship.



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"They are!" Freelo agrees.
"Maybe we should be on our way soon... we wouldn't want to upset them."



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"Sir, if you'll not be needing me, I think I'll board the shuttle with R4," T-3PO then says.



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"Freelo, we're going to need to..." Rykrof pauses.
"What the..."



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"Stay back, I'll handle this," he growls while approaching a group who has quietly entered the docking bay.



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"Remain calm," former Jedi Master Kala Mly Shundi insists, sensing Rykrof's anger.
"We're here to help."



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"Kala?" he asks.
"What's going on? Why are you here?"



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"He sensed you were in danger," Traedon Cusiro explains.



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"You! You son of a bitch!" Rykrof shouts as he aims his blaster at Traedon.



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"Echuta!" Traedon's droid warns.



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"Rykrof, NO!" Kala pleads.
"He's clean. Traedon has been working with me since the war. He has no allegiance to the Badoo Corba."




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"I locked you up myself," Rykrof snarls.
"How did you get out of prison?"



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"When the Separatists attacked Coruscant, I was able to escape in all the confusion," Traedon shrugs.
"The complex was destroyed... you should be glad to know I'm okay."



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"I felt the deaths at your home," Kala then frowns.
"Tell me... where are Caldin and Alyssa?"



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"Tylin abducted them," Rykrof frowns.
"He sent us here to the shuttle to recover an artifact for him on Dathomir."



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"We were about to depart before you arrived."



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"Everything checks out with the ship," Freelo offers.
"I can't even find evidence of a tracking device."



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"Hey!" Tradeon hollers upon noticing an Advozse lurking behind a power generator.



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"Dunka no spola!"



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"Get out of here before I break that horn off in your ass!" Traedon threatens.



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"Go on! I said GET!"



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"Moorgh oat maak'say!" the Advozse curses back at Traedon as he exits the docking bay.



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"Humph! Never can be too careful," Traedon grins.



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"I am offering our services to you to recover the artifact and help save your family," Kala then says to Rykrof.
"If you refuse, I will be forced to return back to my team on Alderaan."



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"I'm not sure I like this, but I'll take whatever help we can get," Rykrof concedes.

"Good," Kala smiles. "You can explain everything you know about this artifact en route to Dathomir."



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"Here we go again," Freelo sighs.



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Thank you for the support guys - I appreciate any comments/feedback. And hopefully I will be able to get the next installment up sooner rather than later. :)


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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - Atrocity

Postby YAK_Chewie » Fri Dec 28, 2012 2:06 pm

Placeholder unlocked - this chapter is now complete.

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - Atrocity

Postby ghostskull18 » Fri Dec 28, 2012 2:44 pm

Awesome! I really liked this chapter! :mrgreen:
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby DarthSinizter » Fri Dec 28, 2012 6:27 pm

I very much liked the next chapter in the Enloe series. Keep up the great work. Sith Happens. :twisted:
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby jlw515 » Fri Dec 28, 2012 9:42 pm

Justin,

This chapter was just AWESOME!! I'm going to try make my comments in a linear fashion.

1. Not sure if you did anything different to the "crawl" but it was easier to read in this chapter than it has been in the past, so big thumbs up there!

2. The diorama of the Enloe homestead is fantastic! Those columns go perfectly with the brick walls, and the door is amazing! I'd love to know what set that double door came from! Let's not forget that fountain also! Again, goes great with the brick walls!

3. I love how some of the shots look like you are up on a terrace looking down at the action, or that one pic of T-3PO hiding is shot from an angle just looking over a flower bed!

4. The FLOOR!! Oh man, not sure if that's actual ceramic tile in your house, but ALL of the elements of that homestead diorama just fit together so perfectly. It's got that old European castle look to it.

5. The cursing! Ok, I first read this over at ISY and I don't think there was a disclaimer, which I think was good because I wasn't expecting the cursing. So, in the picture where Rykrof first addresses Tylin with a simple, "They did nothing to deserve this." I was thinking of that scene from Back to the Future where Marty's dad asks him, "Do I have to curse?" And Marty is like, "Yes dammit you have to curse." So I read that dialogue ("They did nothing to deserve this") and thought, "Nah, man! Rykfrof would be throwing a "you son of a bitch" in there somewhere, so THEN when I read that dialogue a few pictures down, I was like, "YES! There it is!!" And then the line about breaking the horn off - man it's not just an awesome line, it totally fits the character and the scene!

6. Face paints. You did an excellent job painting the faces of the action figures - especially Tylin's.


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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby jlw515 » Fri Dec 28, 2012 9:56 pm

UGH!! I don't what the issue is; if it's something not set up right on my computer but the reply box is doing that scroll thing again where once I get to the end of the reply box the scroll bar keeps wanting to move up. It does it on my work lap top also. Anway, I'll continue with my comments.

7. Excellent use of the Death Star diorama as hallway in a Star Destroyer!

8. Docking Bay 19A looks like you may have cannibalized some diorama stuff from the Blockade Runner playset. If so, it breaks my heart because that playset is just so awesome, but a customizer's gotta do what a customizer's gotta do!

9. Advose security guards - three custom figures or one custom figure photoshopped into three characters??? I think I'd prefer to know that it's actually one custom figure photoshopped several times to make three characters - that would be pretty cool!!

10. Oh, just remembered! Freelo's statement of "It could be a trap." Made me chuckle, whether an intential nod to Ackbar's statement, it reminded me of it. It's almost like Freelo's personal, "I've gotta bad feeling about this" line. And his "breaking the fourth wall" statement of, "Here we go again" is just classic Star Wars!

11. Finally, I loved the subtle electro shock between R4 and 3PO. Maybe we'll see some R2/3PO-esque dialogue between the two in later chapters.

Excellent work!

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby darthmac » Fri Dec 28, 2012 10:01 pm

Another fine looking chapter. I too was expecting something more Tarantino-ish when I saw the cursing warning. I love your imperial sets, they look great. I feel like something more is going on with those advose guards - I hope to see them again in a future installment. I also got a foreboding sense of betrayal from the group we meet in the hanger (I have not read the old series so I don't have any history with these characters). Nice job.
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby Grimace » Sat Dec 29, 2012 11:55 am

wow!

I'm totally blown away!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby CloneCrazy » Sat Dec 29, 2012 12:07 pm

Another excellent read Chewie! I'll second Jayson and say your dioramas were simply amazing, I loved the star destroyer and homestead!

As far as story goes, I think killing off Enloe's dad was a great way to show Tylon wasn't messing around and establish what real danger Enloe's wife and son are in. I also loved the throwback to the old series with the inclusion of the Rhen Var artifact and Dathomir. My only piece of constructive feedback would be on the superlatives, Son of a Monkey Lizard or Son of a Mynock are the SW versions of SOB. Great work again and I look forward to the next chapter!!!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - Atrocity

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:00 pm

ghostskull18 wrote:Awesome! I really liked this chapter! :mrgreen:


Thanks - I'm glad you liked it!

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:01 pm

DarthSinizter wrote:I very much liked the next chapter in the Enloe series. Keep up the great work. Sith Happens. :twisted:


Thank you, I will be working on a new chapter before too long. It's going to be a lot of Sith Happens in the next few. 8)

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:01 pm

Grimace wrote:wow!

I'm totally blown away!


Thanks buddy - I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:07 pm

darthmac wrote:Another fine looking chapter. I too was expecting something more Tarantino-ish when I saw the cursing warning. I love your imperial sets, they look great. I feel like something more is going on with those advose guards - I hope to see them again in a future installment. I also got a foreboding sense of betrayal from the group we meet in the hanger (I have not read the old series so I don't have any history with these characters). Nice job.


Thanks buddy.

I was a little hesitant to have any cursing other than "damn" or "hell" because I've never done that before in the series, which is why I added the warning. I know there's some kids that do check the forums and the last thing I want is to upset a parent. Otherwise the language would have been a little more harsh.

The Imperial sets are courtesy of Owen D. as usual; I am so fortunate to own some of his work. The rest was pretty much hand made by me out of styrene (homestead and docking bay).

I'm not sure if I'll do more with the Advose guards or not - it was party a way to reintroduce Traedon Cusiro and show him not being afraid to push one of them around. In the original series he was a bit of a hardass and I intend to take it further this time around. He's been around the block a few times and ended up after leaving Rykrof's group working to attempt to assassinate Senator Amidala - the plot was foiled by Rykrof while he was on Naboo visiting his wife. So he has a major grudge against Traedon. Of note, in that chapter, Rykrof was thanked by Anakin for what he did. So that may be something later that Vader remembers when the two cross paths again.

Thanks for the feedback and taking the time to share some in depth thoughts/ideas - that means so much to me.

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:10 pm

CloneCrazy wrote:Another excellent read Chewie! I'll second Jayson and say your dioramas were simply amazing, I loved the star destroyer and homestead!

As far as story goes, I think killing off Enloe's dad was a great way to show Tylon wasn't messing around and establish what real danger Enloe's wife and son are in. I also loved the throwback to the old series with the inclusion of the Rhen Var artifact and Dathomir. My only piece of constructive feedback would be on the superlatives, Son of a Monkey Lizard or Son of a Mynock are the SW versions of SOB. Great work again and I look forward to the next chapter!!!


Thank you, from one photonovel maker to another!

Yeah, I didn't really want to kill Enloe's father but I felt it was right to. And Rykrof's son is in a lot of danger - Alyssa is in less danger, which will be shown more in the next chapter (but I have to make an Imperial holding cell from scratch - dreading that!).

Yeah the Rhen Var artifact is something I've been waiting and waiting to bring back and show what it's all about. It will be a major part of the storyline for a while and Rykrof will soon be on Dathomir trying to get it for Tylin.

I see what you mean on the superlatives, I struggled with how to handle that. I almost dropped some much harsher language in there than I did.

Thanks again, I truly appreciate your feedback.

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 2 - ATROCITY

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sat Dec 29, 2012 2:11 pm

jlw515 wrote:Justin,

This chapter was just AWESOME!! I'm going to try make my comments in a linear fashion.


Thank you so much for such great detailed feedback - it's going to take me a bit of time to reply back to all of it, but I intend to do so this weekend!

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