Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

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Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Darth Kikinou » Fri Feb 22, 2013 2:00 am

*STOP* Make sure you've read parts 1 to 4 first: [ Part 1 ] [ Part 2 ] [ Part 3 ] [ Part 4 ]

At long last, here is the conclusion... I hope you like it!
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"No it can't be!" says a shocked Nouk, "My master Sifo-Dyas saw you die, devoured by the Mon Cal queen!"\n(see episode i)



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Zurke, holding Nouk's light saber, responds "But his brilliant mind survived, we have implanted his brain into this cybernetic body."



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Jif gasps "It's a monster!"



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Jai Sheelal sneers "Pathetic, now you will be the first of many Jedi to die..."



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Suddenly R2-D2 emits a loud siren, creating a distraction...



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Jai Sheelal's IG droids surround the R2 unit to diagnose the problem...



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allowing Nouk Kii to escape the captor droid's grip and to take his light saber back from Zurke.



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Nouk quickly pivots to engage the droids,



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quickly subduing one.



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Meanwhile Jif grabs Zurke by the collar and yells "Where is Nomi!"



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Having shaken off the bodyguard droids, Nouk turns toward the IG droids and realizes that the cyborg has fled.



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As Nouk struggles to conquer the IG droids, Zurke and Jif continue to rumble.



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A bodyguard droid gone haywire from the skirmish gets up and lifts Zurke up.



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Zurke pleads to Jif "Help me!"



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But the droid slams Zurke onto the floor and crushes his neck with its heel, killing him instantly.



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It then accosts Jif and begins to choke him.



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Nouk finishes off the last of the IG droids.



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And then liberates Jif by slicing the bodyguard droid open.



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Nouk asks Jif "Are you alright?"



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Jif snorts "I'm doing better than Zurke!"



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R2-D2 interrupts them.



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Jif excitedly says "I knew you wouldn't have betrayed us R2!"



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R2 indicates that there are survivors by the main reactor, but also insists that the station will explode in two hours!



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Nouk decides "OK we'll get you two to the ship and you can get help, then I'll go find Nomi."



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As they head toward the escape ship,



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On Coruscant...



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The senate district...



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Chancellor Dristarg is holding a private meeting with principals about the situation on the research station.



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The chancellor says "It is my understanding the security team that went in to check on the situation is overdue in delivering its report."



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And continues "What could possibly be going on there, I have senators from a dozen systems complaining their benefactors are livid."



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Senator Palpatine says "The people of Naboo are especially concerned as our brave marines have never before had anything but a perfect mission."



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Vice-Chancellor Valorum responds "Admiral Global, perhaps the Grand Navy of the Republic could get involved?"



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Admiral Global responds "Only the senate can approve a mission of this sort, but we could be ready in about twelve standard days after the approval."



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The chancellor then declares "I will bring a motion to the senate for a vote to send a naval team to the research station."



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Master Yoda then says to himself "Far too late, this team will be."



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Back on the research station,



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Nouk and Jif have reached the hangar where a solar sailor is available.



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Nouk tells Jif:



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"Once you escape the communications interference field, send a coded message to Naboo asking for a rescue team."



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Jif tells Nouk "You have to come with us, the station's gonna blow!"



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Nouk says "I have to find Nomi, there's still time. Now go!"



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As he begins his trek across the station, Nouk comes across the carousel sentry the marines had installed.



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The carousel sentry suddenly powers on its blasters...



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and fires a powerful salvo at Nouk.



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Nouk reacts quickly to deflect the blasts at the droid...



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but it explodes violently, sending Nouk flying backward.



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Meanwhile on Coruscant, after the meeting...



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Viceroy Gunray is voicing his concerns to Senator Palpatine.



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"I will not tolerate losing the assets my associates and I have invested so much in."



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"A naval team can only interfere with their chances to... survive."



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The senator from Naboo tells him "Indeed, and Chancellor Dristarg is quite effective at pushing legislation through. It would be a pity if the vice-chancellor had to take over at such a difficult time..."



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He continues "Beyond that, the only thing that concerns me is if Queen Amidala decides to intervene..."



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On the research station,



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Nouk has recovered from the blast and tended to his wounds.



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He continues to encounter more and more deadly droids as he approaches the main reactor.



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Suddenly out of the shadows a grotesque cyborg emerges. It's Paxon.



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Nouk looks upon the dismembered marine and tells him "A rescue ship is on its way, hang in there soldier!"



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Paxon replies "It's too late man! The interface is already fused into my brain, it hurts like a motherbantha. Please, kill me..."



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Nouk, knowing that nothing can be done, obliges and mercifully puts the suffering marine down.



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He moves on, with dread in his heart hoping that this hasn't yet happened to Nomi.



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Time to the reactor's explosion continues to tick as Nouk is delayed again and again by difficult droids.



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Nouk finally makes his way into the main reactor chamber and finds Nomi being restrained by an energy field in an implant station.



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He looks upon her to make sure she's alright and says "I'm going to get you out of here."



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Nomi shouts "Mister Jedi!"



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She says "That thing is getting away!" but Nouk chooses to save Nomi rather than to pursue the fiendish cyborg as it escapes.



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Relieved, Nomi whispers "I knew you'd come, I knew you'd save me."



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While Jai Shelal boards an escape pod,



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Nouk carries the temporarily paralyzed Nomi to the rendez-vous hangar.



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As promised, Jif and R2 have come back with help, from Naboo.



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Nouk is relieved to find the ship and quickly boards, warning the crew of the impending explosion.



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The ship exits the hangar and flees in haste.



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Having achieved minimum safe distance, they all watch as the station explode!



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Relieved, Nouk and Nomi and Jif are finally able to relax in the ship's lounge.



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With the stars shining through the bow window behind them, a woman with a soft voice enters and asks if they're alright.



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Nouk exlaims "Queen Amidala!"



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The young queen says "Your ordeal is over, you are heroes."



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Nomi says "We would have died like the hundreds of others if you hadn't put yourself in danger, your majesty."



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The queen responds "Your R2 unit provided us with the precise timings and you got to our ship just in the nick of time, we were about to depart!"



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Jif snorts "One more minute and you wouldn't have needed a rocket to fly through space!"



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The queen says "There will be a number of inquiries into this incident, you should be prepared to undergo thorough questioning."



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Days later on Coruscant,



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A new day rises on the capital district.



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As the city begins to teem with activity,



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the ship from Naboo arrives.



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Days later at the Naval headquarters,



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Admiral Global is chairing an inquest into the incident at the Wutandi droid research station.



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The admiral incredulously tells Nouk "A cyborg turned all the droids against the human personnel? Surely you must be joking."



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"I am not," Nouk responds "The two civilians that survived gave depositions to the same effect, and the R2 unit's logs confirm our testimony."



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Admiral Global becomes aggressive and accuses Nouk "Do you admit that your actions directly led to the station's destruction?"



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Nouk answers "I do not, Admiral. I stand by my testimony that the cyborg deliberately sabotaged the reactor."



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Another officer reads a statement from Nomi Taw describing the experiements on sentient beings being carried out at the station and asks "Viceroy Gunray and the Wutandi Company board of directors deny these allegations."



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Another shows a schematic of the station and says "The alleged laboratory does not appear on the station schematics."



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Nouk loses patience and snaps "This is ridiculous, why would we fabricate any of this?"



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Admiral Global says "Viceroy Gunray believes this is an attempt by the Jedi Order and the Naboo High Command to evade liability for this incident."



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Nouk says "The Jedi Order doesn't give a damn about liability. I'm telling you, this is about experiements gone awry and it's a miracle these two civilians survived to tell the story."



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Commander Rykrof Enloe then says "We are glad you and the civilians survived Master Jedi, please understand we only wish to ascertain the cause of the incident."



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"Well Commander," says Nouk "how many times do you want me to repeat the same story?"



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Admiral Global then says "It is the finding of this inquest that the Jedi Order bears responsibility for the destruction of the station."



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"These hearings are closed."



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That afternoon at the Jedi temple,



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Nouk Kii makes his way through the halls.



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He arrives to greet his master, Sifo-Dyas.



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Nouk says "Master I have failed you, I have failed the Jedi Order. Hundreds of people died on the station and the Jedi Order is being held responsible. The Force is not with me."



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Sifo-Dyas responds "Indeed you did fail Nouk, but it isn't because of the Force."



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Puzzled, Nouk asks "What do you mean, Master?"



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Sifo-Dyas says "Viceroy Gunray's Trade Federation and the politicians here on Coruscant are deeply involved in all this. This is the start of a dangerous time. There is a phantom menace manifesting itself in The Force."



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Nightfall,



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The streets teem with denizens as they head to enjoy the night life.



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A frustrated Nouk Kii arrives at an upscale club to meet Nomi and Jif.



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It doesn't take long for him to locate them, as Jif is in the midst of an altercation with an angry Dug.



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The Dug threatens Jif for having looked at him the wrong way.



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Nomi pleads "Let him go!"



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Impatient and upset, Nouk uses the Force to confuse the Dug,



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and gets him to release Jif.



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Nouk quips "I see you're already making friends on Coruscant Jif."



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Jif says "People here are really uptight!"



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Nomi looks at Nouk and says "You seem pretty down."



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and continues "Hey, don't you ever wear anything else?"



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The three then sit down and order drinks.



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Nomi says "So how did the inquest go Mister Jedi?"



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"Not good," Nouk wistfully says, "And how many times do I have to ask you to just call me Nouk?"



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She says "Oh alright, you're adorable when you're upset. So what's up with you Jif?"



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Jif says "I have to find a job! I might go back to being a nerf herder. How about you Nomi?"



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Nomi says "I'm going to be a computer systems engineer here on Coruscant, I can't wait!"



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Jif says "That's great! What about you Nouk, are you going to keep being Jedi-y?"



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Nomi laughs and says "I don't think he can quit Jif, or can you?"



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Nouk says "It's pretty tempting after the day I've had, but no, never."



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Jif snorts "Or you could come be a nerf herder with me!"



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Meanwhile on Dac,



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Home world of the Quarren,



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Trade Federation leaders have gathered at a secret location.



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Viceroy Gunray and his associates listen to a holographic briefing by Senator Palpatine.



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Palpatine says "The chancellor is dead, he suffocated while leaving his residence. He began to choke when a cloaked figure appeared near him, it was most bizarre. Coruscant is buzzing with rumors."



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Gunray asks "So where does this leave us with regards to compensation for the station?"



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Palpatine responds "The new chancellor, Valorum, has accepted the recommendations of Admiral Global that the Jedi Order is to compensate you. No doubt this will build ill-will toward the Jedi by their parishioners throughout the galaxy."



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Foreman Wat Tambor asks "What about our asset?"



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Gunray gleefully answers "It is safe..."



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Days later, on Naboo...



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The capital city of Theed...



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Nomi Taw and Jif are invited guests of Queen Amidala.



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The queen greets them in her palace.



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She says "I have asked you to come to present to you my sincere apologies for what you experienced on the station."



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"A banquet has been arranged in your honor."



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Nomi says "That wasn't necessary your majesty, but thank you for having us."



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Jif, dressed as formally as he can, asks "Do you have any nerf that need herding here?"



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The young queen laughs then says "What the politicians on Coruscant have done in holding the Jedi who saved you responsible is unconscionable. We will need your help in appealing the verdict."



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Nomi says "We will do anything we can your majesty, but our testimony has been invalidated by the courts."



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The queen says "The influence of the Trade Federation in all matters is becoming a grave concern, they have their hands into everything."



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As they continue to discuss,



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Back on Cato Neimoidia...



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Viceroy Gunray, flanked by two bounty hunters, is speaking with Qymaen Jai Sheelal from his lair via holographic transmission.



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The cyborg says "The jedi from the station must be terminated or he could piece together our plan."



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Gunray quips "Too bad he managed to escape your grip, Jai Sheelal."



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As the bounty hunter Beeze Kleeze listens, Gunray adds "I have placed a substantial bounty for his head."



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"Good," Jai Shelal responds "I will assemble an army the likes of which the galaxy has never seen!"



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Back on Coruscant, the senate is in session.



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The new chancellor, Valorum, presides over his first legislative session.



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He leads the senate in a moment of silence for the deceased Dristarg.



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And wonders how we will maintain control with the Trade Federation so empowered.



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Little does he know, however, that the late chancellor's death was not accidental.



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Weeks later, on Coruscant...



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The traffic is as busy as always.



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Nouk Kii makes his way downtown for a rendez-vous with Nomi Taw.



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He finds himself conflicted in his feelings.



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Dexter's Diner is the place.



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Nomi, dressed in her professional attire,



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greets Nouk "Look at you, you have real clothes on."



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He playfully replies "Well I would have come naked but I didn't want to be the only one."



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Nomi takes his hand and says "Maybe we should make it so you're not the only one, in a more private place..."



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That night, at Nomi's apartment...



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The mood is relaxed and calm,



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as Nouk breaks his jedi vows to express his love for Nomi.



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Leading to a new chapter in their lives, and in the fate of the galaxy.\n\nThe decades to come will be difficult...


Epilogue for the series at http://www.photonovelalliance.com/pn/GOPAJ/GOPAJ_Episode_iii_Part_6.html

That's all, folks! :-) I hope you liked it!
Last edited by Darth Kikinou on Thu May 09, 2013 8:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.
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The Guardians of Peace and Justice
Episode iii: Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5
Lance Quazar
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Lance Quazar » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:21 am

Alright!!!

This was a very pleasant surprise. I am aware that I never commented on Part 4 and I feel bad about that. I regret being such a stick in the mud about the ALIENS homages in the earlier chapters. Why am I so humorless and lame? It was still a damn fun (fun!) chapter.

This finale has a lot more "original" material in it, which I like a great deal. I love the concept of this series, I love the idea of exploring Jedi stories on the eve of the prequel films, just before everything goes to pot.

As always, you do a great job in tying together your stories with the films. Great use of Grievious here. The twist reveal that Grievous is behind the attacks is inspired.

But beyond that, the whole state of the galaxy.....the rising corruption, the influence of the Trade Federation. All that is handled extremely well.

Lots of little details that I love. Some very good customs here. The "young" Palps looks great. Simple, but very effective. I really like the use of the Starkiller/Secret Apprentice head for the young adult Nouk. Definitely feels plausible as a grown up Shia.

And, damn, Nomi is just a hot action figure. You have some extremely good shots of her here. She looks sensational in all her many outfits, especially the white "undershirt" variant and, of course, in Leia's bikini. Smokin'. I can see why Nouk would chuck his Jedi chastity belt out the window! :)

Some of the customs didn't quite work for me, like Padme in her AOTC outfit with the goofy purple hat. I think you should have just used an off-the-shelf Padme for that or the much better Mon Mothma dress custom from the end.

Oh, and awesome Rykrof cameo. I think now all the photonovels on YF are becoming part of a larger shared universe thanks to these cross-overs.

Storywise, in addition to what I talked about with the overall themes and setting, there is a lot of good stuff here. Really like the death of Zurke, the relationship between Nomi and Nouk and the frustrations the Jedi feel dealing with the increasing influence of corruption and bureaucracy.

I do feel, though, that this episode suffers from some storytelling issues that your other chapters and episodes do not. And that is specifically in relation to pacing.

After the droids are defeated, Nouk and Jif have two hours to get off the station. That feels like a fairly comfortable amount of time. Unlike movies like your inspiration, the Alien films, that amount of time is too big to work as an effectively tense countdown. Particularly since Jif literally has enough time to leave the station, go all the way to Naboo and return with help in that period of time. You should have ditched the return of Jif and just had Nouk and Nomi escape by the skin of their teeth in an escape pod, with the station blowing up dramatically behind them.

I also think it's a mistake to keep cutting back to the (much more dry) scenes on Coruscant. It just deflates what should be moments of increasing tension and drama as Nouk fights his way to rescue Nomi. An alternative idea might have been to start the chapter off with the Coruscant scene with the Jedi realizing they are too mired by bureaucracy to be able to help any and THEN cut to the station - the delayed cut to the station after the cliffhanger of Part IV would also heighten the drama.

Once your'e back on the station with Nouk, stay with him and keep the sequence unbroken until they get off.

This episode feels a little flabby in spots, like you had room to trim some material. I don't think you need the second Coruscant scene with Palps and Gunray at all. It doesn't add enough to the story and just distracts us from what we really want to see - Nouk fighting his way to rescue the damsel in distress. Setting up the death of the chancellor is all well and good, but that could have been done later. Or not at all, to add more of a layer of mystery to it (even though we know, of course, that Palps would have been behind it.)

The scene on the return home with Padme doesn't feel strictly necessary either. Far more effective and cool is the actual inquest scene itself. I don't think you really need to have a scene not much happens expect a character outlines what's going to happen in the subsequent scene. Just cut right to the good stuff, we certainly know what's going on.

I do want to talk a little about the technical aspects, too. I don't want to be overly critical, but I think some of your compositions could be a little tighter. While you make great use of close-ups, it almost seems at times like you have two kinds of shots - close ups (which are great, well-framed and very clear) and very long shots.

I think you need to tighten up a lot of your long shots. You tend to show too much of your "sets" and the focus on the characters is often diminished.

Even when you want to start with a long shot to set the geography of a scene, it still feels like those establishing shots often have more in them than you need. I'd recommend cropping a lot of your shots more tightly. It will increase the intimacy and immediacy of your scenes and put the focus back on the characters.

There is one shot in particular where your wide angle really harms the look of the shot. The shot of Jif and Nomi in front of the Naboo courtyard backdrop. Because we see where the backdrop meets the floor, it is very obvious that the backdrop is simply that - just a flat, two-dimensional plane behind the characters.

However, more judicious framing and you much more effectively sell the illusion that those characters are actually "there" -

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(though I think even that more cropped version has too much room on top)


Anyway, I hope my criticisms weren't too harsh.

I did enjoy this episode overall very much - despite my previous whining about the Aliens stuff. This final installment has some wonderful material. I love, love, love the ending with Nouk and Nomi and I really like all the stuff about the bureaucracy - (even if I wish it was better strucutred so as not to interfere with the cool escape from the station.)

I do feel, though, that the station sequence - while it has lots of cool action and some good moments - doesn't completely come together as effectively as it could have. I think it should have been more tightly plotted with a real sense of "just barely escaping in the nick of time." As it is, it is a little too loose to be as cool and scary a climax as it might have been.

(and I'm not even going to mention your lame cop-out with the Grievious fight! I certainly know how time consuming these babies are to make, so you're allowed a pass on that one. However, maybe just don't even mention it next time instead of pointing out that there is something missing. We wouldn't have known otherwise. It's not like we're not used to Grievious running away, anyway. And with the various droid fights, there is certainly enough "action" in the chapter already. So don't go out of your way to point out stuff that you didn't do. What you DID do was more than enough!)

Thanks again for another great chapter in a great series. I really hope you are able to continue this, I love watching the evolution of the Nouk character over time and how he interacts with the big galactic issues of the day. Would love to see him in the Clone Wars era for sure!!!!
Last edited by Lance Quazar on Sat Feb 23, 2013 3:41 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Lance Quazar » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:27 am

Okay, didn't see that part at the VERY bottom.

Sorry, but, no. The epilogue is bullsh*t.

You are NOT done with the series. Not by a longshot.

There are SO many adventures still to tell with Nouk.

Do what Chewie did. Take a year off.

Recharge the batteries. Travel. See the world. Meet a girl, fall in love.

We'll still be here waiting for you when you get back.
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby YAK_Chewie » Fri Feb 22, 2013 11:19 am

As soon as I saw you posted this, I had to come to a halt and read it. I am busy as crap right now but I could not stay away. And thanks for the Rykrof cameo! I liked it!

I also read Lance's comments - he has some very good points. But I also don't mind how you went and talked more about Palpatine's rise, how Valorum became Chancellor, etc. I actually thought it was very well played out. Palpatine is my absolute favorite character in Star Wars -- so for me, the more of him, the better.

The overall story arc here, to me is great. I like how you did tie things together and didn't give up on the series. I know how difficult it is to make all those sets and customs, take the pics, and finally edit it all. It's not just a task -- it can be an ordeal. But when it all comes together like this, it's so much fun and really is worth it to be able to look back and say, "Hey, I made that!"

Oh - and Jif! I love how you used him here. It was fantastic - he really brought some humor to this story in just the right moments. And Nomi is great too - very seductive, ha ha. And great use of different outfits for her and Jif. Same for Amidala, but I do agree that one figure with the purple hat isn't a great figure of her. However, sometimes we're forced into those figures for certain scenes. I liked the various droids you made for this too - that should not be overlooked.

Nouk Ki was fun too, but I do have to say I've never liked the Starkiller heads. Not any of them. But that's your character, so you gotta go with what you want. If you ever do expand this into his age later (maybe he survives Order 66), I'll go right ahead and volunteer to make a custom of him for you using that head, but repainted. I think it could add a lot more "character" to the character... I did that for my series with Rykrof and Tylin and am so much more pleased with how they look aged/etc.

I do think that a few of your shots could be more "eye level" here and there, but as for close ups, if you run into quality issues with the image work by showing closer shots, I can see why you have as many wide angle shots as you do. I struggle with it quite a bit.

One suggestion on some of the photos - I think you should add more saturation to them. You can do that in most photo programs by playing with the depth and light features. It's very tedious, I must admit, but it really helps me out with my presentation.

And the epilogue was well played too in my opinion - I think that it was a good way to add some closure to this series since you are at a point where you want to end it.

Now, since you are at an end point, I don't like to hear that, but I respect it. It's perfectly acceptable to me to see someone close out a series. You didn't just leave us hanging either, you went all out and finished this up with an ending. We've seen a lot of other people abandon their series -- they stop making photonovels altogether, or just switch to a new series. You didn't do that - you gave us your best and sacrificed your time to finish what you started - so THANK YOU as a reader.

If you get the itch again later down the road (and I hope you do), my idea is for you to start fresh with a new series that takes place later on down the road. You pick the era. But you know what I'd really think is a good idea? Have Nouk dead. Have Nomi older - she has a daughter (Nouk's child) that is Force sensitive. And bring back Jif. Jif and the daughter share an all new set of adventures in the OT era.

:wink:
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Choi » Fri Feb 22, 2013 12:27 pm

-You've done a great job with this series and this is a great chapter. :D
--The epilogue was nice to, though I do somewhat wish that, if you don't plan on continuing the story, that it would have told what happened to the main characters. But anyway, it was a great story. Thanks for writing it :)
The newest chapter of my photonovel, Alliance Intelligence, is up! You can check it out here: http://www.yakfaceforums.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=8050
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Lance Quazar » Fri Feb 22, 2013 2:42 pm

Choi wrote: though I do somewhat wish that, if you don't plan on continuing the story, that it would have told what happened to the main characters. But anyway, it was a great story. Thanks for writing it :)


Absolutely agree 1000%!!!! Excellent point, Choi. If there are to be no more adventures of Nouk, then we need to know what happened to him!!! We already know the rest of the stuff in the epilogue. We have seen the movies. But what of Nouk??? What is his fate!!!

If nothing else, you should give us a very short, additional epilogue (if writing a new chapter is too time consuming for you) outlining Nouk's fate.

However, I still would like to hope that you have it within you to crank out at least one more chapter. At some point. Maybe a year from now. Whenever! But please don't retire this! Yet.
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Darth Kikinou » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:11 pm

Lance Quazar wrote:This was a very pleasant surprise. I am aware that I never commented on Part 4 and I feel bad about that. I regret being such a stick in the mud about the ALIENS homages in the earlier chapters. Why am I so humorless and lame? It was still a damn fun (fun!) chapter.


No I really like candid feedback, I use it to change things, and I usually agree with what you say I just don't always heed it ;-)

Lance Quazar wrote:And, damn, Nomi is just a hot action figure. You have some extremely good shots of her here. She looks sensational in all her many outfits, especially the white "undershirt" variant and, of course, in Leia's bikini. Smokin'. I can see why Nouk would chuck his Jedi chastity belt out the window! :)


LOL, well you can thank Chewie for that :-) He made the one with the skirt, the white shirt, and the long skirt one! He also made the Jifs for me. Chewie is awesome!

Lance Quazar wrote:Some of the customs didn't quite work for me, like Padme in her AOTC outfit with the goofy purple hat. I think you should have just used an off-the-shelf Padme for that or the much better Mon Mothma dress custom from the end.


This deserves some explanation but it comes down to this: I purchased the CW Padme for that purple thing thinking I'd make a different cool custom but I never found a good use until I found this old AOTC Padme I had and I figured, hey what the heck, make a realistic CW figure :-) As always, part of the motive behind making these things for me is to "show off" my customs and clever ideas heh. In short it's an exercise in vanity with fun storytelling as well. The scene stays! But it'll be abbreviated ;-)

Lance Quazar wrote:Oh, and awesome Rykrof cameo. I think now all the photonovels on YF are becoming part of a larger shared universe thanks to these cross-overs.


Whew! I'm glad you didn't think he was a prick being part of that inquest with the lackey admiral there but I tried to make him the "good guy" in a corrupt organization. And yea, how about we put together some timeline tree of the PNs that go on in parallel?? I can do that on the site but I need more crossovers then :-)

Lance Quazar wrote:After the droids are defeated, Nouk and Jif have two hours to get off the station. That feels like a fairly comfortable amount of time. Unlike movies like your inspiration, the Alien films, that amount of time is too big to work as an effectively tense countdown. Particularly since Jif literally has enough time to leave the station, go all the way to Naboo and return with help in that period of time. You should have ditched the return of Jif and just had Nouk and Nomi escape by the skin of their teeth in an escape pod, with the station blowing up dramatically behind them.


That's true, hrm, but what I was more implying I think is that Jif was "rescued" by Amidala while she was on her way home or something in that skiff. The little solar sailor couldn't go far by itself and it docked with the skiff. Or something haha. How does that sound? I can explain that in there somehow. Either way, it's kind of silly to think Padme would personally go onto a station that's about to explode unless she does so only by happenstance haha.

Lance Quazar wrote:I also think it's a mistake to keep cutting back to the (much more dry) scenes on Coruscant. It just deflates what should be moments of increasing tension and drama as Nouk fights his way to rescue Nomi. An alternative idea might have been to start the chapter off with the Coruscant scene with the Jedi realizing they are too mired by bureaucracy to be able to help any and THEN cut to the station - the delayed cut to the station after the cliffhanger of Part IV would also heighten the drama.


Hrm. Well I definitely need a cutaway after that carousel sentry blows up so that when we come back Nouk can be in his rags and not go from one frame to the next like that. But I will try to re-sequence it!

Lance Quazar wrote:I do want to talk a little about the technical aspects, too. I don't want to be overly critical, but I think some of your compositions could be a little tighter.
(snip!)
There is one shot in particular where your wide angle really harms the look of the shot. The shot of Jif and Nomi in front of the Naboo courtyard backdrop. Because we see where the backdrop meets the floor, it is very obvious that the backdrop is simply that - just a flat, two-dimensional plane behind the characters.


Darn how did I miss doing that??? That's nuts! Thanks :-) (can you please edit your reply to remove the frame you made so it doesn't "interfere" with the real one after I change it? I do appreciate you putting it though!)

Lance Quazar wrote:Anyway, I hope my criticisms weren't too harsh.


No, they weren't harsh enough! I love it, thank you so much!! :-)

Lance Quazar wrote:(and I'm not even going to mention your lame cop-out with the Grievious fight! I certainly know how time consuming these babies are to make, so you're allowed a pass on that one. However, maybe just don't even mention it next time instead of pointing out that there is something missing. We wouldn't have known otherwise. It's not like we're not used to Grievious running away, anyway. And with the various droid fights, there is certainly enough "action" in the chapter already. So don't go out of your way to point out stuff that you didn't do. What you DID do was more than enough!)


LOL, ok here's the story on that. The Grievous figure is too fragile and too rigid to perform in any action scene and I felt that we needed to see him be a badass before he escaped. But if you think what we've seen of him is sufficient, then that's good enough for me, I'll change it :-)

Lance Quazar wrote:Thanks again for another great chapter in a great series. I really hope you are able to continue this, I love watching the evolution of the Nouk character over time and how he interacts with the big galactic issues of the day. Would love to see him in the Clone Wars era for sure!!!!


I'm afraid that I cannot, even if I want to now because I've liquidated my entire collection, customs included (recently) and all I have left are my beloved main character customs that Chewie made. I did this like a year ago actually, most of this footage was shot before that!

That being said, I find myself "jonesing" for figures (lol), like a drug addict. I sometimes get the urge to hop onto ebay and acquire some figures haha. Maybe some day, just the precise stuff I need and then sell it again when I'm done with it. Your encouragement sure helps make that more of a possibility!

Thanks so much for the awesome review & feedback! Oh btw, I kind of expected you to be half appalled at my callous murder of Paxon when he begs to be killed haha :-)
Last edited by Darth Kikinou on Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:23 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Darth Kikinou » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:14 pm

Lance Quazar wrote:Okay, didn't see that part at the VERY bottom.

Sorry, but, no. The epilogue is bullsh*t.

You are NOT done with the series. Not by a longshot.

There are SO many adventures still to tell with Nouk.

Do what Chewie did. Take a year off.

Recharge the batteries. Travel. See the world. Meet a girl, fall in love.

We'll still be here waiting for you when you get back.


hahahaha well that's pretty much what I did before piecing this last part together. Lost a girl, met a girl, lost a girl, met another girl, with the girl for a year now, used all the footage I had on the cutting room floor to finish this and maybe some day I'll get back to it! :-)
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Darth Kikinou » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:23 pm

YAK_Chewie wrote:The overall story arc here, to me is great. I like how you did tie things together and didn't give up on the series. I know how difficult it is to make all those sets and customs, take the pics, and finally edit it all. It's not just a task -- it can be an ordeal. But when it all comes together like this, it's so much fun and really is worth it to be able to look back and say, "Hey, I made that!"


ORDEAL is right! What a weight on my shoulders knowing it was unfinished, had to do it! Hahaha like Schubert's unfinished symphony hahaha. yeaaaa that's right, we're artists on the order of classical composers lol.

YAK_Chewie wrote:Oh - and Jif! I love how you used him here. It was fantastic - he really brought some humor to this story in just the right moments. And Nomi is great too - very seductive, ha ha. And great use of different outfits for her and Jif.


Thanks! Jif is of course my comic relief but sometimes I feel like he's too much like Freelo, and that's bad. Nomi is original though.

YAK_Chewie wrote:Nouk Ki was fun too, but I do have to say I've never liked the Starkiller heads. Not any of them. But that's your character, so you gotta go with what you want. If you ever do expand this into his age later (maybe he survives Order 66), I'll go right ahead and volunteer to make a custom of him for you using that head, but repainted. I think it could add a lot more "character" to the character... I did that for my series with Rykrof and Tylin and am so much more pleased with how they look aged/etc.


I will take you up on that!! :-) Regarding the technical issues with photography and all, you're right, you and Lance are absolutely right, but at the same time I insist on it being "rustic" and that kind of gross imperfection is a quality to me. We'll see, I could change my mind :-)

YAK_Chewie wrote:If you get the itch again later down the road (and I hope you do), my idea is for you to start fresh with a new series that takes place later on down the road. You pick the era. But you know what I'd really think is a good idea? Have Nouk dead. Have Nomi older - she has a daughter (Nouk's child) that is Force sensitive. And bring back Jif. Jif and the daughter share an all new set of adventures in the OT era.


Now THAT folks, THAT is an amazing idea. Nomi as the star!!! Yes!!!!! With R2 and Jif as sidekicks, and her young son. A jedi in a jedi-less world and no mentor. Hrm now I'm excited :-) Nouk can simply die in the Clone Wars or by Anivader's hand at the temple in ROTS. Hrm. Hrm. Hrrrrrrmmmmmmmmm. Now I'm very excited. Thanks!!!! :-)

And thanks for the review, your opinion means a lot to me!
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Darth Kikinou » Fri Feb 22, 2013 6:24 pm

Choi wrote:-You've done a great job with this series and this is a great chapter. :D
--The epilogue was nice to, though I do somewhat wish that, if you don't plan on continuing the story, that it would have told what happened to the main characters. But anyway, it was a great story. Thanks for writing it :)


Thanks! I would like to add your series to the site as well, sent you a PM with questions for you though :-) I'm keen to add it, it's great!
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby Darth Kikinou » Sun Feb 24, 2013 1:06 am

Okay I fixed that horrible image and removed the silly director's note and just let Grievous get away without a fight ;-) More adjustments to come but this was pretty urgent! :-)
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby YAK_Chewie » Wed Mar 06, 2013 10:56 am

The pic does look better, but it's the change in the Grievous part that I like the most!

:wink:
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby CloneCrazy » Wed Mar 06, 2013 1:48 pm

Great episode Darth K., but come on it isn't over by a long shot!!! You've still got a big galaxy to explore with some great characters!!! However, if it is really the end, than thank you for one heck of ride!!!

Matt R.
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Re: Guardians of Peace and Justice -Episode iii- Part 5

Postby YAK_Chewie » Tue Jun 18, 2013 2:24 pm

CloneCrazy wrote:Great episode Darth K., but come on it isn't over by a long shot!!! You've still got a big galaxy to explore with some great characters!!! However, if it is really the end, than thank you for one heck of ride!!!

Matt R.


Yeah, I really like some of these characters a lot too.

I'd be happy even if you fast forwarded the timeline into the OT era... :)

:wink:

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