The 3rd Trial: Revelations

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The 3rd Trial: Revelations

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sat Jun 08, 2013 12:41 am

After a much longer wait than I had hoped, the latest chapter in The Enloe Trials is complete. I started working on customs for this back in Jan/Feb, and the diorama sets too -- but my kids eat up a lot of my time, and I have been quite busy at work too.

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Anyways, here's the latest chapter - but if you haven't read the previous installments, it might be helpful to do so.

The Enloe Trials Prologue: The Baron's Crusade
Chapter 1: Seeds of Insurrection
Chapter 2: Atrocity

And the character profiles are as follows...

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Rykrof Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. Former Republic Commander, who is now an enemy of the Empire. He has a history of entanglements with the Badoo Corba terrorist organization, dating back prior to the Clone Wars. He is a former close friend of Imperial Baron Tylin Gere and has been forced to embark on a desperate mission to acquire an ancient Sith artifact for Tylin - which has recently ended in failure. He now carries an unbearable burden... the only way to save his family is to betray his Jedi ally, Kala Mly Shundi.


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Alyssa Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. The wife of Rykrof Enloe, Alyssa has lived a hard life being married to Rykrof, and has been the target of Rykrof's enemies over the years. She is a survivor, but is now in the captivity of Imperial Baron Tylin Gere.


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Caldin Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. The son of Rykrof and Alyssa Enloe. His grandmother was a Jedi Master. Former Jedi, Kala Mly Shundi, has sensed that the boy is Force-sensitive. Caldin is now in the captivity of Imperial Baron Tylin Gere and has grown to resent his father.


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Freelo Macklar - Homeworld - Dak. Former freelance scientist who became friends with Rykrof Enloe during the Clone Wars. Freelo has been known to be timid, but is extremely loyal to the Enloe family.


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Kala Mly Shundi - Homeworld - Coruscant. Kala was once the apprentice of Rykrof Enloe's mother, who was a Jedi Master. Kala has flirted with the Dark Side of the Force and experienced terrible visions of the future. He barely survived Order 66, getting ambushed by clone troopers on Braatos VII. He now works with the Rebel Underground in the struggle against the Galactic Empire.


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Traedon Cusiro - Homeworld - Corellia. Former bounty hunter who once worked for the Badoo Corba terrorists. He helped Rykrof escape from Separatists on Dathomir during the Clone Wars, but later attempted to kill Senator Padme Amidala. After escaping from prison, he swore an oath to bring down the Empire and joined forces with Kala Mly Shundi.


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T-3PO - Homeword - Cybot Galactica. Protocol Droid that has served the Enloe family for years. He survived an Imperial attack on the Enloe homestead and a terrible ordeal on Dathomir.


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Baron Tylin Gere - Homeworld - Naboo. Former close ally of Rykrof Enloe, the two served as Republic Peace Officers prior to the Clone Wars and later as officers in the Grand Army of the Republic. Tylin thirsts for power and has become obsessed with acquiring an ancient Sith artifact, which was recently acquired by Darth Vader, who he secretly sees as a rival. He has taken custody of Alyssa and Caldin Enloe, and ordered the death of Rykrof's father.


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Emperor Palpatine - Homeword - Naboo. Dark Lord of the Sith and the undisputed leader of the Galactic Empire. Attempted to mold Rykrof Enloe as the ideal Imperial officer but failed. He takes great interest in Baron Tylin Gere's personal quests for power and admires his ambition.


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Darth Vader - Homeworld - Tatooine. Dark Lord of the Sith and follows the instructions of his master, Emperor Palpatine. During the Clone Wars, he was once friends with Rykrof Enloe. He considers Rykrof a traitor to the Empire but also is fully aware that Rykrof once helped protect Padme Amidala. However, his loyalties to Emperor Palpatine are secure.



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The Dantallion...flagship of Imperial Baron Tylin Gere.



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In the recent months, Tylin has waged a secret war...



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...as he attempts to locate an ancient Sith artifact that is now in the hands of Badoo Corba terrorists.



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He has destroyed Rebel outposts...



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...and shown no mercy to his enemies.



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He has even ordered the execution of members of Rykrof Enloe's family and blamed it on the terrorists...



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...all the while, unaware that the Emperor has been monitoring his progress with great interest.



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...while the scientists in the employ of the Badoo Corba pursue their own agenda.



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Now, Tylin's Star Destroyer approaches Naboo.



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On the surface, Imperial Stormtroopers patrol the capital city of Theed.



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Meanwhile, Alyssa and Caldin Enloe are escorted to their new residence.



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Alyssa is very concerned for the well-being of her son and does not understand Tylin's intentions.



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Knowing that Tylin is set to arrive at any moment, she checks on Caldin.



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"Why don't you check out your new room?" Alyssa smiles.
"Down the hall, last room on the left."



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"This place is great!" the boy exclaims.
"Wait until Dad sees it!"



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"I hope I'm not intruding on anything," Tylin then says as he enters the home.



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"Just what do you think you're doing?" Alyssa asks Tylin once her son has left the room.



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"You were unhappy aboard my ship," Tylin replies.
"I thought you may be more comfortable here, back on Naboo."



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"Yes... it's better," she admits.
"But we can't go on like this. I need to speak with my husband... now."



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"I'm afraid that's not possible," Tylin frowns.
"If we open a communication channel, his mission will be jeopardized. It could even get him killed."



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"You know how dangerous the Badoo Corba are," he continues as Alyssa turns from him.
"Just look at what they did to your home on Urelia. Poor Josser... and Palom..."



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"Please... leave me," Alyssa frowns.
"Caldin keeps asking about what happened to his grandfather... I need to be alone when I explain things to him."



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"Just know that Rykrof is doing the right thing by going to Dathomir," Tylin offers.
"These are hard times for all of us, but while your husband is enacting revenge, my men will be here to protect you and your son."



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"You know I have always cared deeply for you, Alyssa."



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"And I have always loved my husband," she carefully replies.



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"Of course. Rykrof is a very blessed man," Tylin smiles as he senses her discomfort with the conversation.



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"Now... I must be going. If there is anything you need, please inform the security team outside. They will be on constant guard duty for your safety."



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Far across the Outer Rim, the obscure world known as Dathomir is avoided by most travelers...



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...meanwhile, Rykrof Enloe's strike team has landed on a small island in the southern hemisphere of the planet.



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Encamped at their landing point, Freelo and Traedon Cusiro wait impatiently for Rykrof to report in.




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"In my opinion, this place is cursed," Freelo whimpers as he observes the surrounding forest.



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"I don't really care about your opinion, Freelo," Traedon sneers.



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"If there's one person not cut out for this mission, it's you."



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"How rude!" Freelo replies.
"I'll have you know, I've become quite the marksmen!"



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"Is that so?" Traedon smirks.



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"Can you two quit the bitching please?" Doksin asks.
"I'm trying to work here."



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"Mind your own business," Traedon warns the trooper.



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"Now, fish-face... let's see what a great shot you really are."



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"Draw your blaster."



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"Uh... I..." Freelo hesitates.



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"Just what I thought," the former bounty hunter laughs.
"Still a puss."



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"What's the problem down here?" Rykrof interrupts as he approaches the camp.



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"Ain't no problem," Traedon smiles.



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"There better not be," Rykrof warns.



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"Listen," Rykrof adds.
"I'm risking a lot allowing you to be part of this team, Traedon."



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"Easy there, Commander," Traedon grins.
"We're all on the same team here."



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"Master Enloe," T-3PO interjects.
"Kala Mly Shundi shut down his commlink. I'm afraid he may be in trouble!"



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"His last reference point was about two kilometers north of our location," Traedon points out.
"We should check this out."



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"That's what we get for splitting up our scout teams," Rykrof grumbles.
"Traedon, why don't you two come with me and we'll see what's going on?"



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"Go ahead sir," Doksin offers.
"I'll stay back with the droids."



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The trio then set off into the wilderness...



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...unaware of what dangers may await them.



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"Stop," Traedon whispers.
"Up ahead... look at that..." he nods.



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Ahead of the group, an Imperial Stormtrooper slowly plods through the forest.



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"What are Stormtroopers doing here?" Rykrof whispers.



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"I can get off a shot, before he turns around," Freelo eagerly offers.



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The trooper then begins to slowly sway back and forth.



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"Don't shoot him," Rykrof whispers.
"We might be able take a prisoner here..."



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"I don't know about that," Traedon tells him.
"Something's not right."



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Just then, the Stormtrooper turns toward the group...



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...revealing a bloody, decaying face!



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"Prisoner, MY ASS!" Traedon shouts as he raises his blaster.



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Then suddenly, Kala Mly Shundi appears from the trees above!



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...and in one swift motion, he decapitates the man!



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Rykrof and the others stand in silence as they attempt to comprehend what they just witnessed.



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"Great work!" Caller shouts as approachs the group.



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"Tachu nota!" HK-88 agrees as he appears from within the forest.



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"I hope that didn't startle you," Kala tells Rykrof.



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"What... just... happened?" Rykrof stutters as he approaches his Jedi friend.



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"I'm afraid we are in for more than we bargained for on this island," Kala says.
"The contents of the relic... are no longer dormant."



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"Did Tylin tell you about this?" Kala asks Rykrof.
"Did he tell you that the Badoo Corba had used the relic?"

"No!" Rykrof insists.


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"Used the relic? What are you talking about?" Traedon asks.



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"We ran into two more of these things earlier," Caller says.
"The artifact we're after is responsible for this."



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"...the relic that the Badoo Corba took was said to contain remnants of an infectious viral agent that attacks biological tissue... and transforms its victims into what you just saw," Kala explains.



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"My senses tell me the Badoo Corba scientists have been unable to contain the virus," Kala continues.



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"They may be in an even more desperate situation than we have found ourselves in."



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"Whoa... if they learn how to weaponize this, there's no telling what they could do," Rykrof tells the group.



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"Tylin must have sent a strike force here to recover the relic before he forced you into this mission," Traedon offers.
"And these... Stormtroopers... are what's left of his team."



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"Damn... something's jamming the commlink signal," Rykrof then realizes.



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"The Badoo Corba must know we're here," Kala tells him.
"We don't have time to go back for Doksin."



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"Time is of the essence," Kala continues.



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"...we must find the Badoo Corba stronghold before nightfall."



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"I agree with the Jedi," Caller says.
"...and I don't think we want to run into any of these things in the dark... especially not when they're in a group."



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"Alright," Rykrof concedes.
"Let's get moving."



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That evening, back at the camp, T-3PO nervously approaches Doksin.



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"Sir, I've been trying to contact Master Enloe," the droid frantically announces.
"But the commlink isn't working!"



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"I'm sure it's nothing to worry about," Doksin assures him.
"The Badoo Corba don't even know we're here."



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At that moment, R4-22 squeals a frantic warning...



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...as something emerges from the trees.



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"That man... something's wrong with him," T-3PO observes.



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"It's a nightmare!"



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"Get behind me, get behind me!" Doksin shouts.



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The group quickly falls into a panic as they become surrounded...



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"Curse my metal body, I dropped the commlink!" T-3PO cries.



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"WE'RE DOOMED!"



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"NOOOOOO!!!!!"



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:wink:
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby YAK_Chewie » Mon Jun 10, 2013 3:48 pm

Thread unlocked, chapter posted... and a brief biography for the main characters in this series thanks to a suggestion by DanoftheDead.


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Rykrof Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. Former Republic Commander, who is now an enemy of the Empire. He has a history of entanglements with the Badoo Corba terrorist organization, dating back prior to the Battle of Geonosis. He is former best friends with Imperial Baron Tylin Gere and has been forced to embark on a desperate mission to acquire an ancient Sith artifact for Tylin.


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Alyssa Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. The wife of Rykrof Enloe, Alyssa has lived a hard life being married to Rykrof, and has been the target of Rykrof's enemies over the years. She is a survivor, but is now in the captivity of Imperial Baron Tylin Gere.


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Caldin Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. The son of Rykrof and Alyssa Enloe. His grandmother was a Jedi Master. Former Jedi, Kala Mly Shundi, has sensed that the boy is Force-sensitive. Caldin is now in the captivity of Imperial Baron Tylin Gere.


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Freelo Macklar - Homeworld - Dak. Former freelance scientist who became friends with Rykrof Enloe during the Clone Wars. Freelo has been known to be timid, but is extremely loyal to the Enloe family.


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Kala Mly Shundi - Homeworld - Coruscant. Kala was once the apprentice of Rykrof Enloe's mother, who was a Jedi Master. Kala has flirted with the Dark Side of the Force and experienced terrible visions of the future. He barely survived Order 66, getting ambushed by clone troopers on Braatos VII. He now works with the Rebel Underground in the struggle against the Galactic Empire.


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Traedon Cusiro - Homeworld - Corellia. Former bounty hunter who once worked for the Badoo Corba terrorists. He helped Rykrof escape from Separatists on Dathomir during the Clone Wars, but later attempted to kill Senator Padme Amidala. After escaping from prison, he swore an oath to bring down the Empire and joined forces with Kala Mly Shundi.


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T-3PO - Homeword - Cybot Galactica. Protocol Droid that has served the Enloe family for years. He survived an Imperial attack on the Enloe homestead.


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Baron Tylin Gere - Homeworld - Naboo. Former best friend of Rykrof Enloe, the two served as Republic Peace Officers prior to the Clone Wars and later as officers in the Grand Army of the Republic. Tylin thirsts for power and has become obsessed with acquiring an ancient Sith artifact. He has captured Alyssa and Caldin Enloe, and killed Rykrof's father. He has forced Rykrof's hand into working for him to acquire the Sith artifact.


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Emperor Palpatine - Homeword - Naboo. Dark Lord of the Sith and the undisputed leader of the Galactic Empire. Attempted to mold Rykrof Enloe but failed. He takes great interest in Baron Tylin Gere's quest to acquire an ancient Sith artifact.


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Darth Vader - Homeworld - Tatooine. Dark Lord of the Sith and follows the instructions of his master, Emperor Palpatine. During the Clone Wars, he was once friends with Rykrof Enloe. He considers Rykrof a traitor to the Empire but also is fully aware that Rykrof once helped protect Padme Amidala.


:wink:
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby CloneCrazy » Mon Jun 10, 2013 4:21 pm

That was a rip roaring good time!!! Where to start!?!

Your sets are second to none, I don't even know how you make them but they turn out incredible and photograph so well!!! On a similar note, your customs always blend seamlessly with the story and the few "factory" figures in your episodes. One of my favorites from this chapter was the Tylon Naboo custom, he "performed" that role very well.

Traedon, Frello, and Kala all continue to serve as excellent supporting cast members. I especially liked Frello's, "How rude!", line. I feel that the Dathomir story arcs of the Enloe Chronicles was where you hit your stride. It's good to see them all back on Dathomir. Seeing the character growth over the years has been so enjoyable for me.

Now, for the undead. I'm not a fan of the walking dead or zombies. But you worked the virus into your story expertly. I enjoyed them as villains and look forward to more. My only complaint story wise is that I don't think Enloe would leave a man behind like he did with Doksin. I'm hoping he comes back in time to save him in the next chapter. If not it kinda stains Enloe's hero whites.

Another great chapter and read!!! Thanks for sharing!!!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby YAK_Chewie » Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:14 am

CloneCrazy wrote:That was a rip roaring good time!!! Where to start!?!

Your sets are second to none, I don't even know how you make them but they turn out incredible and photograph so well!!! On a similar note, your customs always blend seamlessly with the story and the few "factory" figures in your episodes. One of my favorites from this chapter was the Tylon Naboo custom, he "performed" that role very well.

Traedon, Frello, and Kala all continue to serve as excellent supporting cast members. I especially liked Frello's, "How rude!", line. I feel that the Dathomir story arcs of the Enloe Chronicles was where you hit your stride. It's good to see them all back on Dathomir. Seeing the character growth over the years has been so enjoyable for me.

Now, for the undead. I'm not a fan of the walking dead or zombies. But you worked the virus into your story expertly. I enjoyed them as villains and look forward to more. My only complaint story wise is that I don't think Enloe would leave a man behind like he did with Doksin. I'm hoping he comes back in time to save him in the next chapter. If not it kinda stains Enloe's hero whites.

Another great chapter and read!!! Thanks for sharing!!!


I am glad that you liked this chapter. It took me a lot longer to get this one completed than I had anticipated - but that was mostly due to the forest diorama. Once that was done, and I started snapping pics, things went pretty fast. Amazing what groundwork can do like that... these pics took me a lot less time than usual.

I appreciate that you liked the sets too - the nightmare one was the home on Naboo. That wasn't cheap, either. The furniture and accessores cost around $65.00. Not cheap stuff by any means, especially for a scene that's dialogue driven. But, I feel it's important to invest in things like that so I am able to have a different location for part of a chapter like this. I didn't want to have the whole chapter on Dathomir. It might be more fun and action oriented, but as far as storytelling goes, I really wanted to show the situation that Tylin has put Alyssa and Caldin in.

The Dathomir part of the old series was so much fun and I agree it was a higher point of my last storyline. I expect about two more chapters to complete this part of the tale... and I'm glad you enjoyed the supporting characters too. At least one of those three probably won't make it off Dathomir alive.

As for the undead, I completely understand that it's not for everyone. I am not going to try and overdo this element of the story. There will be a scene with a zombie mob at some point, but I'm not going to pull away from the character development. Rykrof is on a mission here and needs to get that artifact to save his family - so that's what will drive the next few chapters. Keep in mind too, that Palpatine is aware of what is going on too, so that's going to have an impact on the outcome of this.

Regarding Doksin - I'm looking at it as Rykrof being willing to sacrifice anyone on this mission in order to succeed since he has so much at stake. In fact, he might make a decision that will later haunt him.

Anyways, thanks for the feedback - it means so much. :)

:wink:
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby UKHistory » Tue Jun 11, 2013 11:25 am

This was a fun way to spend my lunch hour. Thanks Chewie.

Where to begin? Tylin is becoming an even more foul villain. His romantic advances on Enloe's wife very troubling. And out of uniform? uh-oh. Great additional element to the story. A mature theme but one that young people should be able to see. Tylin is even more evil now and demonstrates how Palpatine has corrupted those around him.

Those custom pieces of Alyssa, Caldin and Tylin are just very good. Question on Tylin: Did you use the entire german motorcylce guy and just put the armor over him? Or did you use a different torso and migrated the arms and lowerhalf of the topcoat?

Wonderful use of flashbacks that are appropriate to the story but also brings a new reader (not me) up to speed. I liked the black and white effect to demonstrate a different time being remembered.

Great sets and visuals. The Naboo villa/house is wonderful. Where did you get the couch and pillows? Loved the loaf of bread incluing a cut slice. Would love a brief description or virtual tour.

Dathomir is amazing. Was that a real beetle? Great images. I love the forest that is just really superb and special. The outside dioramas are so well crafted I really like them. Flashbacks allowed me to see the old rebel base too and that was fun.

Good dialogue and I liked the realistic tension between Traedon and Freelo. Good use of the early rebels. The petty conflicts between folks is a real strength of the episode.

The plague/virus that is affecting those people is not the typical kind of danger one sees in the Star Wars world. It is unexpected and that characters are reacting to a new kind of danger.

While the zombie craze is big and has been big here for a while in our world, I see this aspect of the Enloe story while being inspired by it not to just be star wars zombies.

There is a bigger thing going on here.

I will be interested in learning more of this Sith artifact that is sucking the lives of those people.

Wonderful story. I look forward to upcoming chapters. Other aspects that I think would be fun to see...

Imperial troops take over Theed. I would love to see a shot where the Imps are marching in just like the trade federation did wathcing the populace have the dreadful sense of dejavu. Maybe even a guy along the parade lne weeping ala that Frenchman who watched the Germans take Paris.

What happens to Alyssa? Killing off Enloe's parents says there could be a game of thrones anybody could die moment coming. I hope not but that is something to watch.

Freelo proving his worth. A lovable character and a worthy sidekick in this tale. I am keeping my fingers crossed that Freelo survives.

See you next time. Same jedi time. Same jedi channel.
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby jediknutt » Tue Jun 11, 2013 2:34 pm

As always, I enjoyed this chapter. Zombies are definitely not my thing at all. But it works here, especially on Dathomir, home of Sith witches and magic. I do feel the terms "bitching" and "puss" seem out of place in a Star Wars story. And it's not the profanity necessarily, it just seems too "real world" to be in a Star Wars setting. The characters are well developed, the customs are awesome and the sets are magnificent. Great job. I am anxious to see the next chapter.
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby YAK_Chewie » Tue Jun 11, 2013 2:40 pm

UKHistory wrote:This was a fun way to spend my lunch hour. Thanks Chewie.


Glad you enjoyed it, I was hoping you would!


UKHistory wrote:Where to begin? Tylin is becoming an even more foul villain. His romantic advances on Enloe's wife very troubling. And out of uniform? uh-oh. Great additional element to the story. A mature theme but one that young people should be able to see. Tylin is even more evil now and demonstrates how Palpatine has corrupted those around him.


So happy that the Tylin scenes came across the way that I intended. Yes, he's interested in Alyssa... ha ha. And he really has become a villain that I am happy with. It was back in old series that it occurred to me that his character was one that could be developed into Rykrof's best rival.


UKHistory wrote:Those custom pieces of Alyssa, Caldin and Tylin are just very good. Question on Tylin: Did you use the entire german motorcylce guy and just put the armor over him? Or did you use a different torso and migrated the arms and lowerhalf of the topcoat?


Thanks - the hardest custom was Caldin. It's so hard finding parts for child customs!

On the Tylin figure, the recipe is as follows:

head - POTJ Boshek
torso - ROTS Count Dooku
arms - Indiana Jones German Officer
tunic - TAC Galactic Marine
legs - ROTS Count Dooku
hands - Indiana Jones German Officer
hat - Legacy Captain Needa



UKHistory wrote:Wonderful use of flashbacks that are appropriate to the story but also brings a new reader (not me) up to speed. I liked the black and white effect to demonstrate a different time being remembered.

Great sets and visuals. The Naboo villa/house is wonderful. Where did you get the couch and pillows? Loved the loaf of bread incluing a cut slice. Would love a brief description or virtual tour.

Dathomir is amazing. Was that a real beetle? Great images. I love the forest that is just really superb and special. The outside dioramas are so well crafted I really like them. Flashbacks allowed me to see the old rebel base too and that was fun.


The flashbacks were fun to do and that's where I started with this chapter... I knew I needed to have a few images to remind readers of what's happened and for anyone new.

The Naboo home was a real challenge... the couch and pillows are from Brinca Dada, and weren't cheap. I had to paint the pillows. The pillows were line green before I painted them:

Image

And yes - that's a real beetle. Huge, almost as big as my thumb! I found it outside... it was dead, of course.


UKHistory wrote:Good dialogue and I liked the realistic tension between Traedon and Freelo. Good use of the early rebels. The petty conflicts between folks is a real strength of the episode.

The plague/virus that is affecting those people is not the typical kind of danger one sees in the Star Wars world. It is unexpected and that characters are reacting to a new kind of danger.

While the zombie craze is big and has been big here for a while in our world, I see this aspect of the Enloe story while being inspired by it not to just be star wars zombies.

There is a bigger thing going on here.


I definitely felt like for character development, I needed to have some interaction between some characters. I didn't want to just jump right into the action... I wanted to show how Traedon can be a bully, but backed down when Rykrof returned to the camp. And how Freelo has grown some but is still easily intimidated.

On the virus, it's not something I will overdo - it's easy to rely on blood and gore but that is not my intention at all. It's part of a bigger story; and in fact is something I've wanted to do since 2007 or so when I first had the idea of the artifact (which showed up in a story in 2008 when General Gievous retrieved it for Dooku). When Death Troopers came along in 2009, and later Red Harvest, that sealed the deal for me. I had to explore it further.



UKHistory wrote:I will be interested in learning more of this Sith artifact that is sucking the lives of those people.


More will be told/shown in the next two chapters for sure. A lot more. :)


UKHistory wrote:Wonderful story. I look forward to upcoming chapters. Other aspects that I think would be fun to see...

Imperial troops take over Theed. I would love to see a shot where the Imps are marching in just like the trade federation did wathcing the populace have the dreadful sense of dejavu. Maybe even a guy along the parade lne weeping ala that Frenchman who watched the Germans take Paris.

What happens to Alyssa? Killing off Enloe's parents says there could be a game of thrones anybody could die moment coming. I hope not but that is something to watch.

Freelo proving his worth. A lovable character and a worthy sidekick in this tale. I am keeping my fingers crossed that Freelo survives.

See you next time. Same jedi time. Same jedi channel.


I like the idea of showing that aspect on Theed. Maybe I could pull that off, but a big expansive shot like that will not be easy... trust me though, if I can, I will.

As for Alyssa, my plan is for it to be kind of tragic for her and pretty much everyone. There's only 1-2 characters that I consider untouchable.

Thank you so much for the feedback. I mean it. I was hoping for more by now, but I know that people are not nearly as interested in photonovels these days and getting feedback can be like pulling teeth. 8)


:wink:
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby YAK_Chewie » Tue Jun 11, 2013 2:49 pm

jediknutt wrote:As always, I enjoyed this chapter. Zombies are definitely not my thing at all. But it works here, especially on Dathomir, home of Sith witches and magic. I do feel the terms "bitching" and "puss" seem out of place in a Star Wars story. And it's not the profanity necessarily, it just seems too "real world" to be in a Star Wars setting. The characters are well developed, the customs are awesome and the sets are magnificent. Great job. I am anxious to see the next chapter.


Thanks for reading and taking the time to share your thoughts buddy.

Yeah, I get it that zombies aren't everyone's thing - I am trying not to overdo it. I have it contained to an island too, which I hope helps me get away with it more...

Image

^ That's not what I was going for by any means though...


Image

^ More along the lines of that! I really enjoyed that book, a lot more than Death Troopers, personally.


Anyways, yeah some of the "earth-cursing" might not be the right way to convey tension. It's hard. I know there are established Star Wars words for some curse words, but I always thought most of those sounded extremely corny (just my personal opinion).

On any note - thank you for the feedback, I am hoping to get started on the next chapter sooner rather than later!

:wink:
jlw515
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby jlw515 » Tue Jun 11, 2013 2:58 pm

Justin,

That was awesome! Those diorama sets are just beautiful! You made it look like the figures were actually in a dense Forrest. Great depth preception with that dio so there didn't appear o be any stopping point to the background. The Naboo homestead was equally beautiful! Tylene's head sculpt and paint apps ate amazing! I love the worry lines on his forehead! Great sense of suspense in both the Naboo and Forrest scenes.

Oh and I loved the title page! Very well done.

My only critique is the crawl. I know you prepare from the Star Wars website, but the top line is hard for me to read. Also, if there is a way to adjust the character spacing, I would suggest working on that. The bottom paragraph had too much space between some of the words.

Jason
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DanOfTheDead
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby DanOfTheDead » Tue Jun 11, 2013 4:57 pm

Awesome chapter. Zombies ARE my thing and I think this was great! Wonderful reveal on the shambling Storm Trooper. I like how you've incorporated the undead into your story, I'm not familiar with Red Harvest or Death Troopers, so I don't know if you're borrowing the sith artifact raising the dead concept, but I sure like it.

The figures and scenes are, as always, even better than the last time. I'm amazed you're able to consistently top your previous chapters, and while this one is another dialogue heavy installment the excitement at the end certainly balances it well.

Here's a thought: sometimes in comics these days, there's a page at the front dedicated to identifying the main cast of characters. Your opening crawl does a great job of bringing everyone up to speed on the plot, but maybe a simple introduction to the cast would be helpful to new readers. I recognize most of them (Rykrof's family, Kala, Tylin, Freelo, etc) but there are a few I'm not sure I remember from previous chapters. Not a full biography, just a small profile picture and a line or two about how the character is involved.

Wonderful work, as always!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby UKHistory » Tue Jun 11, 2013 5:08 pm

Chewie,

I checked out the doll house maker you mentioned. Good stuff. A few things to consider as options for furniture. Perfume and lotion bottles and even lipstick tops have great possibility. If your wife has left anything out, look at and see what you see beyond the obvious. Many make great tables, chairs, boxes.

A couple of other outstanding chairs are from take a seat chairs by rein. You can get those on ebay pretty cheap compared to what they were when first out. I especially like the ribbon chair but there are others that look future and spacey. One of them, they are all made of resin by the way, is a chair whose frame is made of tusks has a star wars feel to me too.

And one of my personal favorites are business card holders. Some look like post modern park benches. Others like very futuristic couches. Eldon, a company that makes office supplies does a great job with some of their business card holders and paperclip dispensers. Here is an example. The key is just find some cheap fabric and stuff it with cotton ball or some such to make the cushions. An old shirt, an old tie, ripped pair of pants all would make great material for this project. Perhaps swatches from when considering drapes.

http://www.ebay.com/itm/Eldon-Workspace ... 823wt_1255
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Choi
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby Choi » Tue Jun 11, 2013 7:50 pm

-Another great chapter :D While I'll agree with other posters that "zombies aren't my thing", I like what you've done with them so far. And, as always, your customs and dioramas are amazing! I'll be looking forward to the next chapter for sure!
The newest chapter of my photonovel, Alliance Intelligence, is up! You can check it out here: http://www.yakfaceforums.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=8050
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby YAK_Chewie » Tue Jun 11, 2013 8:26 pm

Choi wrote:-Another great chapter :D While I'll agree with other posters that "zombies aren't my thing", I like what you've done with them so far. And, as always, your customs and dioramas are amazing! I'll be looking forward to the next chapter for sure!


Thanks Choi - I am certainly keeping it in mind that the undead aren't everyone's thing. I'm trying to make them part of the plot line, not just a thing to include zombies for the fun of it.

:wink:
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby Lance Quazar » Tue Jun 11, 2013 8:41 pm

Whoa. I posted earlier in the day and now it's gone....or it never posted or something.

Anyway, a flat out amazing chapter and I'll discuss in detail soon.

But I do have a question that you reminded me of when you mentioned the previous appearance of the artifact in the hands of Grievous.

If I'm not mistaken, that was the last time we saw the artifact in your series. Grievious managed to get it and was going to bring it to Dooku. Since Dooku was, of course, always working for Palpatine, I'm wondering what the heck happened to the artifact? How did it wind up in the hands of the Badoo Corba?

Surely Palp was aware of Dooku's efforts to retrieve it? What was the journey of the artifact from Grievious to the Badoo Corba? It seems like there's a very interesting story lurking in the margins here. Is this something you're planning to address?

I'm most curious!!!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 3 - REVELATIONS

Postby Darth Kikinou » Tue Jun 11, 2013 10:25 pm

Chewie! You did it to me again... get me all wound up and ready for the action with great build-up and then it ends and I have to wait!

It's totally brilliant.

Your environments don't look toy-ish, they look real, which is really hard to do. The bread on the coffee table is kind of funny but it's actually a little bit distracting from the brilliance of the room. Could have done without. The Dathomir environment is stunning, it would have been easy for it to look like the figures were in a land of giants but nope, the scale is perfect.

The dialogue is great but I'm actually put off by the near-profanity here and there, it's just not necessary, and even imprecise at one point. I don't believe Traedon and Freedo are bitching, they're instead involved in tomfoolery :-) Also there's too many Meanwhiles.

Now, the plot. This is where you shine yet again. Amazing creativity, I simply cannot wait to see what happens. I remember you made a ton of zombie customs... so I hope we see them all!

It goes without saying but the customs are awesome. The camera work is great, eye level, it does really feel like a real show or movie with actors.

More! Encore! Encore! Well done!
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