The 5th Trial: Depths of Despair

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The 5th Trial: Depths of Despair

Postby YAK_Chewie » Wed Jan 01, 2014 4:49 pm

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Thanks in advance for any comments/feedback - and for reference, readers can also see past chapters at the links below... plus character profiles too:

The Enloe Trials Prologue: The Baron's Crusade
Chapter 1: Seeds of Insurrection
Chapter 2: Atrocity
Chapter 3: Revelations
Chapter 4: Shadow of Death

And the character profiles are as follows...

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Rykrof Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. Former Republic Commander, who is now an enemy of the Empire. He has a history of entanglements with the Badoo Corba terrorist organization, dating back prior to the Battle of Geonosis. He is former best friends with Imperial Baron Tylin Gere and has been forced to embark on a desperate mission to acquire an ancient Sith artifact for Tylin.


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Alyssa Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. The wife of Rykrof Enloe, Alyssa has lived a hard life being married to Rykrof, and has been the target of Rykrof's enemies over the years. She is a survivor, but is now in the captivity of Imperial Baron Tylin Gere.


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Caldin Enloe - Homeworld - Naboo. The son of Rykrof and Alyssa Enloe. His grandmother was a Jedi Master. Former Jedi, Kala Mly Shundi, has sensed that the boy is Force-sensitive. Caldin is now in the captivity of Imperial Baron Tylin Gere.


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Freelo Macklar - Homeworld - Dak. Former freelance scientist who became friends with Rykrof Enloe during the Clone Wars. Freelo has been known to be timid, but is extremely loyal to the Enloe family.


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Kala Mly Shundi - Homeworld - Coruscant. Kala was once the apprentice of Rykrof Enloe's mother, who was a Jedi Master. Kala has flirted with the Dark Side of the Force and experienced terrible visions of the future. He barely survived Order 66, getting ambushed by clone troopers on Braatos VII. He now works with the Rebel Underground in the struggle against the Galactic Empire.


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Traedon Cusiro - Homeworld - Corellia. Former bounty hunter who once worked for the Badoo Corba terrorists. He helped Rykrof escape from Separatists on Dathomir during the Clone Wars, but later attempted to kill Senator Padme Amidala. After escaping from prison, he swore an oath to bring down the Empire and joined forces with Kala Mly Shundi.


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T-3PO - Homeword - Cybot Galactica. Protocol Droid that has served the Enloe family for years. He survived an Imperial attack on the Enloe homestead.


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Brad "Caller" Lacus - Homeword - Alderaan. Loyal trooper who did not believe Imperial propaganda that the Jedi had turned on the Republic at the end of the Clone Wars. Joined the Rebel Underground after being expelled from the Alderaan Military academy for lewd conduct at an upscale cantina.


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Baron Tylin Gere - Homeworld - Naboo. Former best friend of Rykrof Enloe, the two served as Republic Peace Officers prior to the Clone Wars and later as officers in the Grand Army of the Republic. Tylin thirsts for power and has become obsessed with acquiring an ancient Sith artifact. He has captured Alyssa and Caldin Enloe, and killed Rykrof's father. He has forced Rykrof's hand into working for him to acquire the Sith artifact.


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Emperor Palpatine - Homeword - Naboo. Dark Lord of the Sith and the undisputed leader of the Galactic Empire. Attempted to mold Rykrof Enloe but failed. He takes great interest in Baron Tylin Gere's quest to acquire an ancient Sith artifact.


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Darth Vader - Homeworld - Tatooine. Dark Lord of the Sith and follows the instructions of his master, Emperor Palpatine. During the Clone Wars, he was once friends with Rykrof Enloe. He considers Rykrof a traitor to the Empire but also is fully aware that Rykrof once helped protect Padme Amidala.




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Dathomir... a twisted world...



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...one which Rykrof Enloe swore he would never again set foot upon.



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Yet, in order to save his family from Imperial Baron Tylin Gere, Rykrof has been forced to acquire an ancient Sith artifact... which is believed to be housed in an abandoned Imperial research facility...



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...where the horrific power of the artifact has been unleashed!



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As Rykrof's strike team enters the base, the foul stench of decaying flesh overwhelms his men.



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"And I thought the forest smelled bad," Freelo groans.



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"You're sure it's safe to breathe in here?" Rykrof asks his new ally.

"Positive," Ganton confirms.
"The toxin never went airborne."



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"But watch your step," he continues as the group follows his lead.
"There's things down here far worse than what you've seen outside this place."



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"Things like what?" Freelo asks.



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"Things like I never thought could exist... the Badoo Corba had provided prisoners that the scientists were using..." Ganton frowns.
"This artifact you're after holds a power that's... it's..."



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"...it's just not natural."



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"Ganton, have you ever heard of a Murakami orchid?" Freelo asks.



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"No... I can't say that I have," Ganton confesses.



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"It's been said that generations ago, a Sith Lord created a formula using one of these rare flowers that caused the dead to rise... driven by a hunger for the flesh of the living," he explains.

"What we're seeing here with the artifact... may be connected to this legend."



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Meanwhile, the voices of the group have attracted an inhabitant of the facility...



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"Come on, you guys," Caller shouts back to the group.
"I'm not seeing anything down here to worry about..."



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"Grulaaarrrhhh!"



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"NO!" Caller screams!
"Get it OFF me!"



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Just then, Rykrof fires a laser blast through its skull!



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"Like Ganton said; watch your step," Rykrof frowns.



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"Holy mother of Alderaan," Caller exhales with relief.
"That was close..."



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"How much further until we reach the lab?" Rykrof turns to Ganton.

"Still a ways to go," Ganton replies.
"There's a checkpoint station several corridors down. Once we reach that, we'll be just a few chambers away from the lab."



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"I really hope Kala gets here soon," Freelo softly whimpers.



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Several kilometers south, Traedon Cusiro, Kala Mly Shundi and HK-88 continue their journey to the complex...



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...and come across an abandoned Imperial hover tank.



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"Well, what have we here?" Traedon smirks.



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The former bounty hunter quickly leaps onto the vehicle...



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"If we're lucky, there may be some supplies in this bucket of rust," he smiles.



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To his surprise, the hatch pops open...



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...and an undead occupant attempts to pounce on him!



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"Son of a bitch!" Traedon yells as he stumbles backward...



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"Nraaaalaaah!!!!!" his attacker bellows...



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...before being cut apart by Kala Mly Shundi!



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"It is unwise to stray from the group," Kala says.



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"Thanks," Traedon laughs, though shaken.
"I had it under control though."



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"This... infestation... must be stopped," Kala replies as Traedon finishes off the decrepit body laying before them.



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"Forget the tank," Kala continues.
"We don't have time to salvage materials. We must be on our way to the facility. I sense Rykrof is already there."



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"I also feel... a presence..."



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In a flash, the team's assassin droid is destroyed!



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"Your mission ends here, JEDI," Lord Vader hisses.



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"Traedon, get to the complex..."



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"Are you crazy?"



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"...the mission is what matters," Kala replies as he turns to face Vader.
"GO!"



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Although conflicted, Traedon heeds the order...



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"May the Force be with you, old friend," he prays.



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"A brave gesture," Vader says as he approaches Kala.
"But your sacrifice will mean nothing. You have already failed to save your friends."



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"You're wrong, Vader. Or should I refer to the boy I once knew?"



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"You live in the past," Vader responds as their lightsabers clash.



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"...and in doing so, will soon suffer the same fate as your brethren."



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"My death will gain you nothing," Kala snarls.
"With each day, the Empire's enemies grow..."



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"...the day will come when the entire galaxy comes crashing down on you."



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"I sense your fear," Vader laughs.
"It once gave you strength... it now makes you weak!"



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Kala then turns, knowing his only chance to save Rykrof is to lead Vader far from the complex...



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All the while, Vader's troops have entered the facility...



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...and are moving closer to Rykrof's team.



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"This must be it," Caller grins.
"The checkpoint station!"



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"Last time I was here, this door was sealed," Ganton observes.



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"Well, lucky for us; it's open," Freelo smiles.



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"Don't you get it, Freelo?"
"This door was sealed for a reason."



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At that moment, the Stormtroopers enter the chamber!



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"Blast them!"



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"Damn it," Rykrof curses as the room fills with laser fire!



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"It's a trap!"



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"They must have followed us!" Rykrof shouts as Caller takes down one of the armored troops.



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"FREELO! Look out!"



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"Oh no!"



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Showing no mercy, the Imperials continue their assault...



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...as the undead Badoo Corba prisoner prepares to lunge on Freelo!



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"Freelo, get down!" Rykrof yells...



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...as he blows a hole through the attacker's face!



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"Come on," Rykrof continues.



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"...we have to get out of here!"



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"They're heading to the lab!"



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"Move in with caution," Commander Resibar orders his men.



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"They won't get far."



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Two corridors down, Caller removes his helmet.
"Damn... helping you isn't anything like I expected," he wheezes.



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"I know the feeling," Freelo trembles.
"Not sure... how much more of this I can take... and Ganton... poor Ganton..."



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"You're doing good, Freelo," Rykrof assures him.
"And I promise... I'll get you out of here once we have the artifact."



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"Those Stormtroopers are coming," Caller warns.



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"We need to keep moving," Rykrof agrees.
"We're almost to the lab."



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:wink:
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - PREVIEW

Postby Lance Quazar » Thu Jan 02, 2014 3:14 pm

These images are spectacular!!! Vader vs. Kala!!! Can't wait!!! This has been a great chapter and it looks like everything is about to kick into high gear!

Small nitpick - the Star Wars style font you used for the title screen really is terrible.

Not your fault at all, but so many of those "homemade" fonts that people have put online are really just awful. Sure, the letters that actually feature in the "Star Wars" title itself look fine, but their extrapolations of the other letters are pretty dreadful.

I'd recommend changing that. I seriously had trouble even deciphering the title at first glance.
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - PREVIEW

Postby YAK_Chewie » Thu Jan 02, 2014 3:25 pm

Thanks, I'll toy around with that. I've been using a Star Wars font download for years for that, I'll see if I can improve it.

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - PREVIEW

Postby Lance Quazar » Thu Jan 02, 2014 3:29 pm

If the font you're using is "years old" you might want to hunt around for a more updated version. People put stuff like that up all the time. There's probably a better version somewhere.

Also, I want to add - still LOVING the character bios. I think every PN should have them, especially if they're telling an ongoing story, to keep readers up to date with information and details they may have forgotten between chapters. Excellent stuff!!!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - PREVIEW

Postby YAK_Chewie » Thu Jan 02, 2014 6:18 pm

Thanks... looking like I might get this chapter posted in a few days!

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sat Jan 04, 2014 8:10 pm

Chapter five has now been posted. I hope you guys enjoy. Feedback as always is appreciated.

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby JediMerc » Sat Jan 04, 2014 11:29 pm

Oh boy, this was a great chapter! The frames appear be getting darker to coincide with the descent of the storyline perhaps? Maybe it's just my eyes playing tricks on me...

As Lance stated above, the character bios are an excellent addition to the novel. Definitely a nice feature to help the casual fan out as well as those of us who know exactly what's going on with all these characters.

I love the stormtrooper armor differentiation (with the blue pauldron and the modded AT-AT driver helmet serving to designate commanders); nice touches there. I also like your focus on Caller over the last few slides; nice to see different angles of the same events (like Rykrof's and Freelo's discussion in the background of the frame centered on Caller).

I'm interested in seeing how Traedon's conscience is going to affect his actions/events in the next chapter(s); that's a character whose look is interesting and seems to have a lot more to examine under the surface than what we we've seen so far.

Looking forward to more great work!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby wraith_nineyak » Sun Jan 05, 2014 6:55 am

Chewie ,that was a superb chapter ! well written ,it really holds the attention mate and the visuals back the story up on a stupendous level. 12/10!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby CloneCrazy » Sun Jan 05, 2014 8:01 am

Excellent read Chewie! You've built up suspense as well as any modern director and in a fashion which doesn't make us feel as if we are just being teased until the end. This story stands on its own and as part of a broader narrative, not an easy accomplishment! Now, on to some of my particular favorites!

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Excellent establishing shot, it really conveys the dread and intrigue of your quest.

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Man, that set is gorgeous! Just amazing! I know how hard interiors are and you always make them look movie accurate! Major credit to you there!

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That is Darth Vader, period. If one shot showed the Dark Lord in all of his glory this would be it. The make up is actually very reminiscent of the Dagobah scene in ESB. Great job!

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Obviously, I love the duel between Kala and Vader! You have evolved Kala into a character that I could naturally hear speaking to Vader without fear. My favorite line of the entire episode was, "You're wrong, Vader. Or should I refer to the boy I once knew?" . Very powerful!

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Another great job portraying classic SW characters! I love that shot!

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Almost as much as I love what you've done to give the stormtrooper officers a great look to bridge the gap between the PT-OT. Whenever we can unite the two I think it is really incredibly cool! Bravo!!!

Okay, now time for what I didn't like as much. I am suffering from major zombie fatigue. I never liked them, not in Night of the Living Dead or The Walking Dead. So when I say I like what you've done with the whole zombie angle so far it is a major compliment to your skills as a writer/director. That being said, the huge blood stains on the floor and discarded body parts turned me off. So what I'm getting at is, the zombie thing is cool as long as it is not done to over kill (pun intended :lol: ).

Rant over, back to what I like 8) From a technical angle I like what you've done with the new camera! There were a few shots where your focus was off ever so slightly, but those were few and far between! Adjusting to a new camera is hard and you've managed well!!! Great customs, effects, and camera angles all around! Another excellent chapter, thanks for your countless hours of devoted work and for sharing this fun episode with us!!!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sun Jan 05, 2014 2:44 pm

wraith_nineyak wrote:Chewie ,that was a superb chapter ! well written ,it really holds the attention mate and the visuals back the story up on a stupendous level. 12/10!


Thanks, really glad you liked this chapter. It's always fun making these... the most important thing for me is trying to hold the attention of a reader, which can be very difficult. That's why I try and mix it up and segment each chapter into more than one "look" or environment, and try and also mix up the dialogue as much as I can... rather than always saying, "he says," I try and use things like "he agrees," "he nods," "he frowns," etc. I also try my best to include a variety of angles, etc.

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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby DanOfTheDead » Sun Jan 05, 2014 3:19 pm

Had to chime in from the drive to California: LOVE IT! Really impressed when you write in characters like Vader and capture their voice. Will try to comment some more when I'm not writing from the road.
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby Darth Kikinou » Sun Jan 05, 2014 4:27 pm

Darn, I thought I had posted a reply but seems like something went wrong, maybe I didn't hit send haha.

The short of it is... WOW. Once again you leave me breathless for the next chapter! It's absolutely gorgeous, fantastic suspense and all! Bravo bravo! When is the next chapter coming??? :-)

I hope to see Vader live up to his supposed reputation of being a badass, seems like all the fiction I've seen has him bullying people but then falling short against jedi and all.

When is the next chapter!!!!! ;-)
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby Evilivo » Sun Jan 05, 2014 5:53 pm

Another evcellent chapter, I read it in one breath! Love the interior of the Imperial Facility and a lot of the shots are of cinematografic quality - great job once again :)
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby Choi » Sun Jan 05, 2014 5:56 pm

-Another great chapter! :D Though, like others have said, I too am not a big zombies fan, you've managed to work them in very well here, so as their inclusion isn't too jarring. Your diorama work is amazing. I wish I had the time and patience to do such things. :) And I can't wait to see Vadar vs. Kala Part 2!
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Re: The Enloe Trials Chapter 5 - POSTED!

Postby UKHistory » Mon Jan 06, 2014 1:46 pm

What a great way to start the new year! I have missed the Enloe Trials and this was a great treat. What a good chapter. I like how Vader has a larger role in this one.

Generally speaking I like how Enloe and his associates are not force sensitive. Brian Daley did a wonderful job of creating additions to the Star Wars univese without finding some jedi or jedi potential around every corner.

When Enloe and company encounter jedi and sith--it is a significant reason. Now ole Kala most likely will not survive this duel (he surely won't win; maybe escape but pretty remote chance) but it is great to see how this will shake out.

Short but I think very strong dialogue between the characters. The imperial ally of Enloe...we hardly knew you. But that is good.

Great scenery. I love the sets.

Can't wait to read more.
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