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The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

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Choi
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby Choi » Wed Feb 17, 2016 4:14 pm

Great chapter, Chewie! I'm on the edge of my see to see what happens next! As always, the set, customs, writing, everything is mind-blowingly good! :D
The newest chapter of my photonovel, Alliance Intelligence, is up! You can check it out here: http://www.yakfaceforums.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=8327&p=161239#p161239
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby Utinniii » Thu Feb 18, 2016 11:33 am

Thought I posted here already, but when I decided to reread this I realized I hadn't.

Great read. The flashbacks were really helpful and interesting. I could really feel the different relationships between everyone, even if I didn't know who they were.
You packed a lot of things in this yet it was still tight.
It is really difficult to do Vader well, but you have captured both his poise and his language.

My only quibble was the use of "whatever". Expressions like that both throw me out of the story and date works (Poe's dialogue in the beginning of TFA seemed incongruous with the rest of the SW world).

Looking forward to the next chapter and seeing your new salvage droid!
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby DavisGrayson » Fri Feb 26, 2016 6:12 pm

These are so cool.
I have enjoyed these for a while. I loved the backgrounds you have.
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby YAK_Chewie » Mon Feb 29, 2016 1:11 pm

UKHistory wrote:What a wonderful treat to read the latest Enloe chapter.

Wonderful story. The action is in the dialogue and how the stage has been set for some thrilling heroics to come.


Thanks as always for taking the time to read and type up some thoughts... it always means a lot and I always look forward to your feedback. I'm glad you liked this chapter.



UKHistory wrote:This episode is beautifully woven together. Great scenery moving from the parts of the Star Destroyer to the rebel base.

The interaction between Vader and Tylin is really neat. We see in the original film Vader battling in the political sense rival Imperials. The Marvel comics take that a step further with Baron Tagge; Shadows of the Empire has Xizor. I like that Chewie is using a similar rivalry to move the story along. There has to be an immense amount of back stabbing and jockeying for position within the Imperial hierarchy. I like this alot. Well done.


Right! I am trying to develop some irritation between Vader and Tylin Gere... slowly but surely. And trying not to make it all happen too fast, but also not at a snail's pace... kind of hard to do.



UKHistory wrote:The story is taking an even darker trajectory with the Enloe family going to hear that Rykrof is dead. Oh man. It is making my stomach turn thinking of the evil Tylin and what he will be up to.

Vader does good by saving Enloe and hiding him. But in an imperial prison. Allowing the Baron to keep Enloe's wife--yuck.


Yeah, Vader did show mercy, but all of this is not going to make Rykrof exactly a happy individual. He's going to eventually feel like a man that has nothing to lose. Rykrof has never been someone considered "dangerous" or "unpredictable" but in time, that will change. But I have to lead up to that.



UKHistory wrote:Great look for all the customs. Enloe is perfect in the Finn body and possibly either Han Solo or some gi joe guy's forearms.

Kala looks great. Freelo is wonderful in that get up. the bounty hunter is good as well.


Thanks - the Rykrof is actually a body from a Mutt Williams figure, with biceps from a Death Star Trooper, forearms from a Jango Fett. Just wanted something in a neutral outfit for his time on the Star Destroyer... next up... orange jumpsuit!



UKHistory wrote:I have not forgotten the protocal droid is just a head. I can't wait to see the creativity in how ridiculous he might look in the next chapter.

Just another solid A. Flashbacks were good way to catch up a new person and the direction of the story really is keeping your avid readers on pins and needles.

Well done. I have to send you some pictures. I have some hammerhead rebels you might really like.


Yeah - the droid is just a head for now. Ha ha.

I'm glad you thought the flashbacks turned out okay - I really enjoyed piecing those together from older stories... even some stories from 6-7 years ago!

Do send me some pictures of Hammerhead rebels... or post pics!

As always --- thank you.

:wink:
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby YAK_Chewie » Sun Apr 03, 2016 9:17 pm

Evilivo wrote:Congratulations on the new chapter! Looks and feels great. I liked the flashbacks, cool idea and well made. The story itself, although withought much action, was tence and intriguing till the end. Still very impressed with Tylin's nephew - pretty nasty and sleezy looking son of a... somebody :) I must agan admire the lightning you achieve, it gives a lot of depth and atmosphere to the scenes.
My only sugestion will be to change sometning about Vader for the next chapter - is this the ROTS BlS helmet? Personally I like it, but I think there is a more aggressive and intimidating-looking one out there. Also, in close shots, the Hasbro cape looks almost like a fishnet - too rough. Try making one of microfibre or PM me, I could try and make one, if you wish :)


Slowly I'm getting my mindset ready for a new chapter, so now I'm going back and catching up on some feedback...

That being said, thank you for your support as always. I'm glad you thought the flashbacks were helpful, and were okay with this chapter even though it lacked action.

Yes, Tylin's nephew is going to be a pain - and thanks for the recommendation on Vader. Maybe I'll switch things up. I just really like that figure. Maybe I'll take you up on the cape offer.

Thank you for the feedback, I definitely appreciate it.

:wink:
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby YAK_Chewie » Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:02 pm

Choi wrote:Great chapter, Chewie! I'm on the edge of my see to see what happens next! As always, the set, customs, writing, everything is mind-blowingly good! :D


Thanks as always Choi - before the next chapter can be posted, I have way more prep work to do than I'd like... whole new planets/worlds to make... so many ideas, so little time... but I will get there... just going to be a little while.

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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby Lance Quazar » Wed Apr 20, 2016 5:25 pm

Well, it's been SEVERAL months now and, even though we talked a lot about this chapter before you posted it, I never did give official comments on the final version.

I have been waiting for YEARS for the Anakin storyline to come back again and you did a marvelous, fantastic job. That's what's great about having such an incredible, history-making run like you've had. You have so much to draw from with telling your stories, so much rich history of your own creation that you can make these kinds of fantastic , deep-cut callbacks.

And it works marvelously. It's absurd to think a suspected Rebel would ever receive mercy from Darth Vader, but it totally, beautifully works. And your dialogue just sings. I always thought you did a great job using established characters (when they appear) like Dooku and Palpatine, but you've done really great work with Vader so far, as well, nailing the voice and characterization.

I do like how you have used existing characters only in a limited, realistic way. No gratuitous cameos that draw attention to themselves (as Star Wars itself often does!) Just very realistic incorporation of established characters only when its appropriate and meaningful to do so.

Heck, I really like "Star Wars Rebels" and they do a similarly good job with a tricky situation. It's absurd to think those characters would be able to defeat or even really hold their own against Vader and they DON'T. They are totally outclassed.

So, in the same vein, Rykrof would never be able to be ever get one over on Vader, so his release here is brilliantly done. Heck, all the other Jedi characters we've seen get their asses handed to them by Vader.

I wonder if that's how Kala will eventually go. It'll be great to find out....some day!

But speaking of the rich history of this incredible series, another great thing you do is have the characters evolve over time. Obviously, Gere started out as Ryrkof's friend and partner and is now his most sinister foe. On the other hand, Traedon started out as a selfish mercenary who now has become a hero. It's wonderful that you even call that out in the story.

Through it all, Freelo remains lovable Freelo, though. And I just love the running joke with Freelo's droid. I hope he finds himself in a suitable humiliating situation as his body is rebuilt from "scrap."

I'm very glad to see you're dealing with the early days of the rebellion, which I think is a great place for this series to go.

I was a little frustrated - but only at first - that Rykrof's first post-prequel story was the zombie story, since I really wanted to see him interacting with the nascent rebellion.

But I am actually preferring this take enormously. Rykrof isn't actually a founding member of the rebellion, he really isn't even a part of it, he's just a guy who has come into peripheral contact with it, but still has his own, more pressing and personal agenda.

It's much more interesting to chart what, I can only assume, will be his eventual joining. But, in the current storyline, that could be years away! It's a very fascinating progression. Not at all the obvious, straightforward choice, something more oblique and much more interesting.

That said, and I think we may have discussed this, I think you have a great opportunity for a time jump in your story. With Rykrof going to a remote prison world, who knows how long he'll be there? Years, even. He could come out with his son a young adult, with only a dim memory of his father.

We might even buy that Alyssa could have married Gere, out of desperation and fear, having believed Rykrof to be dead. And Rykrof could be a "Count of Monte Cristo"-esque character, turned hard and jaded by years of imprisonment.

So many fascinating ways the story could take off from there! (it would also put you closer to the timeline of the classic movies, which would be cool. I'd love to see the events of the Star Wars movies told from Rykrof's perspective, just as we saw the prequel/Clone Wars through his eyes, too.)

Technical credits here are always, always top notch. The photography is stunning, the images with Vader are damn works of art.

Thanks, as always, for your wonderful work and another terrific chapter that promises only more awesomeness to come!!
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby UKHistory » Tue May 31, 2016 12:34 pm

ENLOE! ENLOE! ENLOE! WE want some Enloe. No pressure Chewie. I just reread the latest chapter and I anxiously await the next chapter.

A belated Happy Memorial Day to the Yakface crowd.
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby YAK_Chewie » Tue May 31, 2016 8:39 pm

UKHistory wrote:ENLOE! ENLOE! ENLOE! WE want some Enloe. No pressure Chewie. I just reread the latest chapter and I anxiously await the next chapter.

A belated Happy Memorial Day to the Yakface crowd.


Thanks - I have a big chapter coming. No pics have been taken yet though.

I'm still in the diorama phase - having to create two all new planets for this... and don't want to take any short cuts... thank you for checking up on me! :)

:wink:
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby Choi » Wed Jun 01, 2016 9:43 pm

It's great to hear you've got some big plans coming down the pipe! I can't wait to see what happens next!
The newest chapter of my photonovel, Alliance Intelligence, is up! You can check it out here: http://www.yakfaceforums.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=8327&p=161239#p161239
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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby YAK_Chewie » Mon Jun 06, 2016 3:21 pm

Thanks Choi! I'm probably about 2 weeks out from snapping a few previews.

The timeline is also going to take a bit of a leap forward. Things haven't gone so well for Rykrof since being "spared" by Vader.

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Re: The 10th Trial: SHARDS OF REBELLION - POSTED!

Postby YAK_Chewie » Mon Jul 25, 2016 1:13 pm

Lance Quazar wrote:Well, it's been SEVERAL months now and, even though we talked a lot about this chapter before you posted it, I never did give official comments on the final version.


No worries bud, I'm slow to even reply to feedback these days!


Lance Quazar wrote:I have been waiting for YEARS for the Anakin storyline to come back again and you did a marvelous, fantastic job. That's what's great about having such an incredible, history-making run like you've had. You have so much to draw from with telling your stories, so much rich history of your own creation that you can make these kinds of fantastic , deep-cut callbacks.

And it works marvelously. It's absurd to think a suspected Rebel would ever receive mercy from Darth Vader, but it totally, beautifully works. And your dialogue just sings. I always thought you did a great job using established characters (when they appear) like Dooku and Palpatine, but you've done really great work with Vader so far, as well, nailing the voice and characterization.


Thanks, and yeah I've been wanting to user the Anakin-Padme-Rykrof connection from yesteryear for a long time... hell, at least 5 years! I know most people who take the time to read would probably have no idea of the significance, but in a long running TV series I think that things like that can certainly be good.

I am glad you think it worked out!


Lance Quazar wrote:I do like how you have used existing characters only in a limited, realistic way. No gratuitous cameos that draw attention to themselves (as Star Wars itself often does!) Just very realistic incorporation of established characters only when its appropriate and meaningful to do so.

Heck, I really like "Star Wars Rebels" and they do a similarly good job with a tricky situation. It's absurd to think those characters would be able to defeat or even really hold their own against Vader and they DON'T. They are totally outclassed.


Yeah, I don't see the need to over-use characters that we already know. It's not like I can change an established character's fate, so I've never tried to bother. And I don't want to make it too convenient either for a Han Solo, Panaka, Bossk, etc. show up. That's really the joy of customizing too, making new characters altogether.


Lance Quazar wrote:So, in the same vein, Rykrof would never be able to be ever get one over on Vader, so his release here is brilliantly done. Heck, all the other Jedi characters we've seen get their asses handed to them by Vader.

I wonder if that's how Kala will eventually go. It'll be great to find out....some day!


Right --- Vader could destroy Rykrof with little effort. And anyone else that faces Vader, one on one, should get their asses handed to them too. In my view, only two people we ever know of were more than Vader could handle... Kenobi on Mustafar, and Luke on the second Death Star... which Vader was set up, by instruction, to not beat Luke. So I always felt that Vader could have taken Luke down, if we really was determined to. His love for his son took over, rather than hate. Luke exhibited hate, while Vader did not.


Lance Quazar wrote:But speaking of the rich history of this incredible series, another great thing you do is have the characters evolve over time. Obviously, Gere started out as Ryrkof's friend and partner and is now his most sinister foe. On the other hand, Traedon started out as a selfish mercenary who now has become a hero. It's wonderful that you even call that out in the story.

Through it all, Freelo remains lovable Freelo, though. And I just love the running joke with Freelo's droid. I hope he finds himself in a suitable humiliating situation as his body is rebuilt from "scrap."


Yeah - Tylin and Traedon - two very different characters. They are now essentially what the other used to be.

Freelo and the droid will be back too, but in the next chapter (as you've already seen), things have moved forward and the focus is on Rykrof for a while.


Lance Quazar wrote:I'm very glad to see you're dealing with the early days of the rebellion, which I think is a great place for this series to go.

I was a little frustrated - but only at first - that Rykrof's first post-prequel story was the zombie story, since I really wanted to see him interacting with the nascent rebellion.

But I am actually preferring this take enormously. Rykrof isn't actually a founding member of the rebellion, he really isn't even a part of it, he's just a guy who has come into peripheral contact with it, but still has his own, more pressing and personal agenda.

It's much more interesting to chart what, I can only assume, will be his eventual joining. But, in the current storyline, that could be years away! It's a very fascinating progression. Not at all the obvious, straightforward choice, something more oblique and much more interesting.


Yeah, I understand the frustration with the undead twist, but I think it worked out well enough as the "relic" was all part of a larger story as an excuse to pull Rykrof out of the shadows (plus the zombie theme helped satisfy my son's wanting for a zombie story - which I loved doing!).




Lance Quazar wrote:That said, and I think we may have discussed this, I think you have a great opportunity for a time jump in your story. With Rykrof going to a remote prison world, who knows how long he'll be there? Years, even. He could come out with his son a young adult, with only a dim memory of his father.


Yes, it's years away before Rykrof will ever officially be a rebel. And the next chapter does move forward in time some as it really fits in well, I think, with the story.


Lance Quazar wrote:We might even buy that Alyssa could have married Gere, out of desperation and fear, having believed Rykrof to be dead. And Rykrof could be a "Count of Monte Cristo"-esque character, turned hard and jaded by years of imprisonment.

So many fascinating ways the story could take off from there! (it would also put you closer to the timeline of the classic movies, which would be cool. I'd love to see the events of the Star Wars movies told from Rykrof's perspective, just as we saw the prequel/Clone Wars through his eyes, too.)


Hopefully, the current "theme" for the new life Rykrof is living works out!

We will see some of the events of the classic trilogy from Rykrof's perspective, but I also really want to ensure that I still tell his own life story.


Lance Quazar wrote:Technical credits here are always, always top notch. The photography is stunning, the images with Vader are damn works of art.

Thanks, as always, for your wonderful work and another terrific chapter that promises only more awesomeness to come!!


Much appreciated, so very happy that after all these years you have continued to be supportive and offer advice. Thank you!!

:wink:

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