Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

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Choi
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Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby Choi » Sun Apr 17, 2016 2:16 pm

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Jaig Landow and Jedi Master Suun Qwarr: Jaig is the shy, socially awkward younger brother of Hank Landow. Force-sensitive, he functioned as Beta Team’s scout until meeting Master Qwarr. Qwarr, a former Weequay Jedi Master with a shadowy past, had given up the ways of his shattered order. After meeting Jaig, he felt called to take him as an apprentice, training him in the ways of the Force.

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Chief Inquisitor Tarsus: The devious leader of Palpatine’s brigade of force-users, The Inquisitors, Tarsus has a history with Cracken, and has long desired to bring Jaig over to the Dark Side.

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Commander Shade: The loyal clone attache to Headmaster Dreyfus, Shade suspects Chief Inquisitor Tarsus as the force behind the disappearance of his master. Trained to the height of the Empire's Commando regimen, Shade now finds himself overwhelmed in a castle where he has no idea who to trust.

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Bane Malar: Enigmatic bounty hunter, Malar is currently leading a hand-picked team of elite hunters in the employ of Inquisitor Tarsus.

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Commander Wilhelm Klink: A veteran of the Clone Wars, Klink’s failures to capture Col. Cracken and his team have left him indebted to Tarsus, who now uses him to run mysterious and ominous errands….

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The Acolytes: Mara Jade, Kara Draco, Luc Bar'Nett, and Gnarl are young dark side adepts training under Headmaster Dreyfus at Castle Gathreel. Their schooling almost complete, the day of their graduation draws near, in which Lord Darth Vader himself will visit the ceremony.

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The Rebel Alliance: General George Naht commands the Rebels Black Ops branch. Alliance Intelligence. It's chief agent: Colonel Airen Cracken leads an elite team including Jaig's brother, Hank. Having recieved a distress signal from the captured Jedi, the rebels are racing through hyperspace as we speak, coming to save the day....if they can arrive in time.


Previously on Alliance Intelligence….On a training mission to the planet Echelon IV, Jaig and Master Qwarr were captured by Imperial forces and taken to the Castle Gathreel, training ground of the Imperial Inquisitors. The only record of their disappearance, a tracking beacon sending a desperate signal to the rebel base.

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The four current students, Kara Draco, Gnarl, Mara Jade, and Luc Bar’Nett trained under Headmaster Dreyfus, that is, until the Headmaster was killed in a duel by Chief Inquisitor Tarsus, a fact known only by himself and a select few of his allies who know of his secret plan to assassinate Darth Vadar. Aware of none of this, the four acolytes enter into their “final exam”, a gladiatorial match against prisoners from the castle’s dungeons.

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Upon capture, Master Qwarr was sent to the dungeons, where he met old friends EL-Les and the bounty hunter Willix. They, along with fellow inmate Granluck, planned to escape during the arena fight, but had a wrench thrown into the plan when Qwarr was prevented from joining them.

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As for Jaig, he is being held in a testing facility within the castle. After a brief meeting with the beautiful acolyte Kara Draco, he was put into a deep sleep, as Inquisitor Talya attempts to enter his mind through ancient dark arts…..

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Jaig awakes in a faded, dream like realm. Unsure of what has happened, he attempts to collect his bearings through the fog.

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But as the fog clears, he is horrified to see it unveil the dead bodies of his fellow rebels, strewn across the mound he sits atop.

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As he struggles to look away, he instead locks eyes with the ghostly figure of his brother, Hank, staring at him from across the field.

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“You abandoned us, Jaig”, his voice echoes out. “You left us to follow a blind master and look what’s happened. The Jedi are dead, you should have left them buried”.

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“No,” Jaig stammers, “You don’t understand. You never understood. I have to do this!”

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“Traitor!” Hank shouts and charges towards his brother, almost floating across the field of dead bodies…

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Until, in a flash of light, he transforms into a massive winged beast, the likes of which Jaig has only seen in legends and nightmares.

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Jaig turns to flee, but the beast is quick and gains rapidly.

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Utterly disoriented, the young Jedi trips and falls to the ground, his foot tangled in the weeds.

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But as the fearsome monster looms in for the kill, a shadowy figure leaps out of the fog, igniting a yellow lightsaber blade, and dispatching the beast.

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Squinting through the fog, a dazed and thoroughly confused Jaig attempts to make out the features of his apparent savior. Slowly, the figure turns….

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Revealing the wickedly grinning face of Inquisitor Talya.

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Back in the land of the conscious, the final gladiatorial battle of the young acolytes’ training is drawing to a close.

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Lightsabers whirl and blaster bolts streak across the arena as the trainees dispatch each of the hardened prisoners.

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Far above, El-Les and Granluck survey the battle field, keeping watch as Willix attempts to maneuver loose a maintenance hatch hidden in the upper level of the arena.

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Back below, the final combatants are dispatched, yet the battle doesn’t end.
------“Why isn’t it stopping?” Luc whines. “We killed everyone, didn’t we?”
-“Some of them must be hiding, I can sense them” Kara replies. “Fan out, we need to eliminate them fast, before the time runs out!”

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As the acolytes hunt for the desperate escapees, Jaig is confronted in his nightmare realm by the one who, unknown to him, has orchestrated the entire sequence: Inquisitor Talya.

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“Come, lost one,” her voice purrs, both parts menacing and comforting. “These visions are not what must be. The Jedi have led you astray”.

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“There is only one way to save your friends, to end this senseless violence. The dark side of the Force is more powerful than you could ever imagine….”

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“I’ll never turn to the dark side!” Jaig spits out, the fog filling his lungs.
-------“You poor, misguided child. You’ve listened to the lies of the Jedi long enough. Don’t you think you ought to hear the other side of the story?”

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“Enough, witch!” In a flash of light, Master Qwarr appears to Jaig, reaching out to his apprentice’s mind from the depths of his cell.

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Talya falls to the ground at the sudden appearance of the Jedi.
-----“M..m..master….” Jaig stammers. “W..w..what are you doing here?”

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“I’m here to help you break free, Jaig. This spell can only control you if you let it”.
------“Master, what she said, was any of it true? Are they all doomed?”
-“The Dark Side holds nothing but lies to deceive you, young one. Take my hand, and we’ll leave this place”.

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But as Qwarr struggles to retrieve Jaig from the Inquisitor’s witchcraft, the prisoners become increasingly worried.
------“I think they’re onto us,” Granluk worries.
-“Stay calm,” El-Les reassures him. “It should only be a little longer….”
------“Wait, I think I hear something!”

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Suddenly, Luc leaps from behind a rock and charges the two prisoners, lightsaber buzzing in hand!

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They scramble to respond, but the arrogant acolyte dispatches Granluk with ease.

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Shocked at the loss of his friend, El-Les lets down his guard and loses a hand as the result, pain streaking through him.

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Recovering, he finally manages to open fire, striking his assailant in the shoulder!

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But the injury barely registers with Luc, who, filled with blood-lust, charges on, overwhelming the old bounty hunter…

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Before plunging his saber straight through El-Les’ heart!

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The death of his dear friend sends shockwaves straight into Qwarr’s highly focused mind…

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And just as Jaig is about to take his hand in the dream realm, he disappears just as he arrived, dragged back to consciousness in another flash of light!

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El-Les’ lifeless body slumps to the ground. Luc sneers
----“Looks like I win this one, Kara”.

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Suddenly, however, Willix, having been hidden, attempting to gain release from the arena, charges out from cover, his massive rotary canon blazing with vengeance for the death of his allies!

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Caught completely off guard, Luc is riddled with countless bolts of energy, launching him back off the ledge…

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And landing dead at the feet of his classmates below. They raise their own sabers to respond, only to hear the whining sound of the arena closing. Willix’s canon is disabled and he is shocked unconscious. The remaining acolytes can only stand, shocked and confused, among the bodies of the prisoners and their former teammate.

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Just as confused as the trainees, the Dungeonmaster appears from atop the control booth.
-----“We have experienced some…unexpected difficulties. Students, please return to your chambers, the body of Luc Bar’Nett will be properly attended to. Guards, return all surviving prisoners to the dungeons!”

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As the lights fade out in the arena, so do those in Jaig’s dream. Abandoned by his master, he finds himself surrounded by the spectral figures of those he knows as enemies.

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“The Jedi are the ones who lie, Jaig. They want to hold their power over you, they can’t allow you to harness the full power of the force. That is why they are dead and we, the Sith survive. But the galaxy is still weak, hindered by false leaders. Join us Jaig…”

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“And together we can destroy Vadar, and the Emporer, and bring peace to the galaxy once and for all”…..

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As Jaig slowly fades back to consciousness in despair, the Dungeonmaster storms through the back halls of the arena level, hunting for the fool who disabled the contest.

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And he comes face to face with Shade.
-----“Don’t tell me YOU shut down the arena”, the hulking master growls.
-“Inquisitor Dreyfus has disappeared and I cannot locate him, all previously scheduled plans must be put on hold until…”

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“So YOU turned off the arena?”
-------“Yes. It’s standard protocol in the case of potential harm to the Headmaster”.
“Go to command and report it then! Go see Lord Tarsus! Do anything, but stop interfering in my work!”

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Shade turns and storms off down the hall. As he exits earshot, the Dungeonmaster speaks softly into his comlink.
-----“You may have a problem. He’s onto you”.

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Marching swiftly through the castle to the command center, Shade’s thoughts lie on attempting to decipher who in the mountain he can trust. He is thoroughly convinced that Chief Inquisitor Tarsus has done something horrible to his master, and that he likely has a vast team of conspirators throughout the castle.

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But he grinds to a halt when confronted by Bane Malar and his full squad of bounty hunters.
-----“Is there a problem, Commander?” Malar’s voice eerily echoes through the modulator on his helmet. “You seem distressed”.

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“Get out of my way, Malar!” Shade snaps in reply. “This is an Imperial matter, it is no concern of yours!”
-------“As Lord Tarsus’ personal security supervisor, everything that happens in the castle is my concern, clone,” the hunter’s voice reeks with derision. “You’re just panicked because your precious master has gone away and you can’t think for yourself. Why don’t you come along with us. We’ll help you solve this problem”.

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The bounty hunters move in, but Shade fights back and flees away down the hall…

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Blasters are drawn, and shots ring out, echoing down the halls…

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Though outnumbered 6 to 1, Shade has been trained to the peak of all Imperial Commandos. In a flash, he overwhelms Boba Fett…

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Tossing him through a nearby display!

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But he stands no chance against the gang of vicious mercenaries, as Bossk grabs him from behind…

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And slams him to the ground with enough force to cripple an average man.

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The hunters drag Shade back to his feet as Malar approaches.

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“Your master is dead, Commander, there’s nothing you can do about that. You can, however, rethink our offer. In the future of the Empire, Lord Tarsus could use many men like yourself…”
------“I will never serve that traitor!” Shade spits out in reply.

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“That’s the problem with clones like you,” Malar laughs to himself as he pulls out an electric shock gun. “In the War, they took their time. The ones now, well, you can’t even think for yourself, can you? The bright side to that is, I suppose, it will make the reprogramming a whole lot easier”.

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With that, he stabs the shock gun into a gap in Shade’s armor, sending searing jolts of electricity through the commando’s body. His cries of pain echo down the corridor, but they are alone on the floor. No one can hear him scream.

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Far below, a somber procession approaches the gates of the dungeons as Willix, the sole survivor of the gladiatorial challenge, is returned to his cage.

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The stormtroopers clear a path as the massive gate creaks open.

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Willix’s stern face barely offers a twinge of acknowledgement as he walks stiffly into the dungeon he believed he’d never see again.

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The prisoners crowd him, no one to their memory has ever returned from the arena. But he pushes past them, back into the shadows, where Suun Qwarr waits grimly.

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The two at first only stare into each others’ eyes, unable to convey the grievance that has occurred.

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Finally, Qwarr whispers “I know....... But there is still hope”.
-------“Not anymore”. Willix turns and walks away, far from the glow of the few, flickering lights illuminating the dungeon. Watching him leave, Qwarr can only place a comforting hand on the shoulder of the now motherless child beside him, knowing deep in his heart that things are only about to get worse.

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The wind blows hard and cold against the castle’s exterior landing platform. Chief Inquisitor Tarsus stands defiantly stiff against the gusts, his two closest confidants at his side. Commander Crix Madine and Sergeant Wilhelm Klink.
-----“Guard your minds, men,” he warns. “The dark lord’s mental prowess is weak, but so are your own defenses. Fail now, you will die”.

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Across the platform, an Imperial entourage exits a regal shuttle, led at the front by Darth Vadar himself.

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Tarsus approaches energetically, greeting the imposing Sith with a crisp bow.
------“Welcome to Castle Fangorn, Lord Vadar. And guests.”

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“I apologize for Grand Moff Tarkin, as he was unable to attend this ceremony”, Vadar replies, his legendary mechanical breaths audible even over the wind. “In his place, Moff Hochsetter has chosen to attend”.
------“I don’t believe we’ve met, sir, but it is a pleasure….” Tarsus’ hand of friendship is rebuffed by the cold gaze of the one-eyed officer.

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Ignoring the insult, Tarsus carries on: “Commander, see to it that Lord Vadar’s shuttle is properly secured. Sergeant Klink, escort his entourage to their guest quarters, then to the Grand Hall for dinner”.

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“And you”, he turns to Vadar. “I have a personal tour of the castle planned for you. We have so much to talk about….”

TO BE CONTINUED……….

Thanks for reading! Things are really getting heated up! I hope to get the next chapter up soon, but there's lots of blaster fire and sabers to edit! Until then, hopefully you enjoy this installment and please, leave any comments, critiques, or compliments in the spaces below! :D
The newest chapter of my photonovel, Alliance Intelligence, is up! You can check it out here: http://www.yakfaceforums.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=8050
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby Jodo » Sun May 08, 2016 9:22 pm

Hey man, I cannot believe that I forgot to comment on your last chapter. I read it the day you posted, but I was extremely busy. I just saw your post in your updates thread, and thought "oh crap!!!". :shock: I re-read the chapter again last night, and went to make a post. Before typing my feedback I laid down in bed to check my phone and then I fell asleep! So here I am tonight re-re-reading this chapter!

I definitely think your dream sequence works pretty well. It definitely has that dream like state to it, and I like that. The winged beast thing looked a bit "transformery", but it does the job it was intended to! I've had dream like that, so maybe it just freaked me out. :p I do think one little bit of advice would be to differentiate the dream world environment from the arena a bit more. I know there's the the fog and stuff, but they're a bit too much alike as far as the environment itself.

Great job foreshadowing Vader's arrival with the vision of Vader's helmet as well. I look forward to seeing what his arrival means, and the subsequent impact it will have on your story. I still think the dungeon shots are where you do your best work as far as photography goes, so I definitely think you should continue that element of your story for sure.
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby Utinniii » Mon May 09, 2016 8:09 am

A really busy chapter! I especially liked the dead flowers around Mother in the dream. They added to the otherwordly aspect of the dream. The fog effect was also cool.
I'm not sure if this is feasible, but making the dream figures somewhat translucent would have been cool.
A minor quibble: When posing figures try to hide the fact that they are toys when possible (Wookie foot peg hole could easily have been hidden, and the severed hand peg could have been pushed in the sand or hidden behind a rock.

You have a lot of text, which is good but it might explain why you aren't getting a lot of comments. People have to set aside a chunk of time to not only read it but, take the time to give good feedback. This isn't a criticism, more of an awkward excuse for a lack of feedback. I think that the responders WANT to take the time to properly consider your art (I know I did).

I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but I saw Marvel (Warpath), Green Lantern (prop), D&D (Dungeonmaster) and Alien (no one can hear you scream) references in your shots and text. I was somewhat distracting for me. I notice things like that in a OCD way so it might not be a big deal to others. I realize that some of it (figure choice) is unavoidable, but power lanterns and adorable puppy statues might detract from the shots.

I prefer your focus on your original characters. I find them more interesting than the Cannon characters. As this chapter shows, your characters can die. That adds to the drama and tension. Bobba Fett and others, not so much.
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Choi
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby Choi » Mon May 09, 2016 5:11 pm

Jodo wrote:Hey man, I cannot believe that I forgot to comment on your last chapter. I read it the day you posted, but I was extremely busy. I just saw your post in your updates thread, and thought "oh crap!!!". :shock: I re-read the chapter again last night, and went to make a post. Before typing my feedback I laid down in bed to check my phone and then I fell asleep! So here I am tonight re-re-reading this chapter!

I definitely think your dream sequence works pretty well. It definitely has that dream like state to it, and I like that. The winged beast thing looked a bit "transformery", but it does the job it was intended to! I've had dream like that, so maybe it just freaked me out. :p I do think one little bit of advice would be to differentiate the dream world environment from the arena a bit more. I know there's the the fog and stuff, but they're a bit too much alike as far as the environment itself.

Great job foreshadowing Vader's arrival with the vision of Vader's helmet as well. I look forward to seeing what his arrival means, and the subsequent impact it will have on your story. I still think the dungeon shots are where you do your best work as far as photography goes, so I definitely think you should continue that element of your story for sure.


Thanks! Better late than never! :D

-The beast is indeed a Transformer, I wasn't fond of how it turned out, but it looked the best out of everything I tried.

-I also had a lot of trouble with the dream standing out. I probably should have used a different base environment that was less similar to the arena.

-It's great to hear you like the dungeon shots! I wasn't sure how they'd go over, but they seem to have worked! Unfortunately, the dungeon won't be around much longer, but hopefully you'll like the remaining scenes set there!

Utinniii wrote:A really busy chapter! I especially liked the dead flowers around Mother in the dream. They added to the otherwordly aspect of the dream. The fog effect was also cool.
I'm not sure if this is feasible, but making the dream figures somewhat translucent would have been cool.
A minor quibble: When posing figures try to hide the fact that they are toys when possible (Wookie foot peg hole could easily have been hidden, and the severed hand peg could have been pushed in the sand or hidden behind a rock.

You have a lot of text, which is good but it might explain why you aren't getting a lot of comments. People have to set aside a chunk of time to not only read it but, take the time to give good feedback. This isn't a criticism, more of an awkward excuse for a lack of feedback. I think that the responders WANT to take the time to properly consider your art (I know I did).

I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but I saw Marvel (Warpath), Green Lantern (prop), D&D (Dungeonmaster) and Alien (no one can hear you scream) references in your shots and text. I was somewhat distracting for me. I notice things like that in a OCD way so it might not be a big deal to others. I realize that some of it (figure choice) is unavoidable, but power lanterns and adorable puppy statues might detract from the shots.

I prefer your focus on your original characters. I find them more interesting than the Cannon characters. As this chapter shows, your characters can die. That adds to the drama and tension. Bobba Fett and others, not so much.
Thanks a ton for commenting! :D

-I've been making more and more of a point to hide things like holes and pegs. A lot of these shots are actually pretty old, and I've gotten more experienced at hiding such things. Hopefully it won't be an issue going forward.

-I've been trying to cut back on the chapter size, and it's tough with all the story I need to tell. As soon as I posted this I started worrying it was too long, and it seems that may have been the case. I plan to split the next chanpter into two, though, to leave more time for the readers.

-I'll admit a lot of those easter eggs and references were intentional, as I like doing things like that and trying to find them in works that do it as well. I apologize if it was distracting, hopefully it didn't detract from the overall story.

-And yeah, I've tried to keep the focus on the original characters, because of the very reason you mentioned, with a nice mixing of existing characters to add to the overall presence of the story within the Star Wars saga.

Thanks so much to both of you for commenting! It means a ton!
The newest chapter of my photonovel, Alliance Intelligence, is up! You can check it out here: http://www.yakfaceforums.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=8050
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby Jodo » Mon May 09, 2016 7:39 pm

Choi wrote:
Thanks! Better late than never! :D

-The beast is indeed a Transformer, I wasn't fond of how it turned out, but it looked the best out of everything I tried.

-I also had a lot of trouble with the dream standing out. I probably should have used a different base environment that was less similar to the arena.

-It's great to hear you like the dungeon shots! I wasn't sure how they'd go over, but they seem to have worked! Unfortunately, the dungeon won't be around much longer, but hopefully you'll like the remaining scenes set there!!


Yeah, I know what you mean on stuff being the best out of everything you tried...Right now I'm looking for a good hat to use on a future character. The figure doesn't have hair on top of its head, so it will need to be covered. I've tried every single freaking hat there is for the 3.75 figures. I'll have to settle for "good enough" and move on when I can use a helmet because I'm tired of looking for something that works.
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby Utinniii » Thu May 12, 2016 12:39 pm

Hey, if it was intentional, it was fine. Easter Eggs are fun. When I did a screenwriting class I would put Gumby in every script (it was really hard for when I did one about St. Olga). I thought it was fun. I also enjoy spotting Hitchcock in his movies.

I wasn't implying that your chapter was overlong, just that I'd need to actually set aside time to read and comment on it (unlike most threads where it only takes a couple of minutes to read and comment on).

That being said, it is always better to strive for a tighter script.

I think it is good you realize that the landscape in the dream and arena were too similar. Changing little things like that make for a more interesting story. The original Deathstar corridors were similar enough that they could be reused in different shots but still look like different areas. Starkiller base was obvious that they were reusing the same set again and again.
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby YAK_Chewie » Thu May 19, 2016 10:57 pm

...and this is the 3rd photonovel series I'm behind on reading up on and commenting.

I will get to this too, really glad you are still working on these and sharing with us here!

:wink:
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby YAK_Chewie » Fri May 20, 2016 3:34 pm

Ok, I got through about half - to the point where El-Les and Luc die.

I think it's good you are not afraid to kill off a couple characters.. you have quite a few to keep up with for a reader in this series, so trimming down a bit is not a bad thing. The high number of characters and perhaps a bit too much "birds eye view" images are my only real suggestions to work on some more. I also noticed a purple line or something in the frame when El-Les dies.

The fighting sequence was well done, good effects and also the dream sequence is very well done (probably the best part, and I especially thought it was good and real "nightmarish" for Hank to turn into a beast and attack Jaig.

Jaig... PM me if you want - I might have a replacement head for you since that one has chipped paint on the nose.

Overall, good stuff so far. I will read up on the rest and share some more feedback.

:wink:
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby Jodo » Fri May 20, 2016 8:47 pm

Yeah, I think that's a good call as well, with the different angles. Overall, most of your angles work decently well, but I think some could be a bit more cinematic with lower angles, especially the last one with Vader. :)
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby YAK_Chewie » Mon May 23, 2016 1:28 pm

Finished up the chapter. Good work all around.

Looking forward to seeing how this sequence ends - which the "predictable" thing would be for Cracken and the rebels to show up, have a battle on the planet, and several of the characters getting killed off... somehow Qwarr gets a hold of a lightsaber and falls in battle to Vader.... perhaps Hank sacrifices himself for Jaig... or the other way around... but I think one of them will go down in the next chapter.

And perhaps Mara Jade and Vader have their first "encounter" so to speak, where Vader takes her back to Coruscant and she becomes the Emperor's hand.

:wink:
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Re: Alliance Intelligence: Chapter 21: Doomsday Clock Part 2

Postby Choi » Tue May 31, 2016 11:22 pm

YAK_Chewie wrote:Finished up the chapter. Good work all around.

Looking forward to seeing how this sequence ends - which the "predictable" thing would be for Cracken and the rebels to show up, have a battle on the planet, and several of the characters getting killed off... somehow Qwarr gets a hold of a lightsaber and falls in battle to Vader.... perhaps Hank sacrifices himself for Jaig... or the other way around... but I think one of them will go down in the next chapter.

And perhaps Mara Jade and Vader have their first "encounter" so to speak, where Vader takes her back to Coruscant and she becomes the Emperor's hand.

:wink:
Jodo wrote:Yeah, I think that's a good call as well, with the different angles. Overall, most of your angles work decently well, but I think some could be a bit more cinematic with lower angles, especially the last one with Vader. :)

Thanks again to everyone who commented! Your advice and support is all incredibly appreciated!

----There's a lot to cover in these next two chapters, several big action sequences, but I'm trying to keep the script concise. Going into the final arc (After Chapter 23) I'm dedicating to keeping the scripts short and two the point, which helps me as much as it helps the readers.

----Same with the shot angles. In some scenes, I intentionally took a higher angle, in others, it was a necessity due to the set, and in some places it was just subconscious. I'll try to pay more close attention to that in the future.

----And as for your predictions, Chewie, there's going to be quite a few deaths in these next two chapters, but I'm hoping I've got a pretty big twist left up my sleeve... :D
The newest chapter of my photonovel, Alliance Intelligence, is up! You can check it out here: http://www.yakfaceforums.com/phpBB3/viewtopic.php?f=71&t=8050

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